Notes

my life :
I start to write this after my mother had found a lighter on my jacket.. she cries , she tought that I smoke.. I DO , but I don't want her to know it.. I Promised myself I won't do it anymore I can't imagine that I made her cry ..those expensive tears ..tears stream, she cried in silently, you know what it's like to make your mother cry , especially when she has a bad husband who smokes and drinks , she prays for her child to keep him away from that ordeal , away from that bad attitude , she sees you will become a perfect boy, but how ? how could you be a perfect boy and you are already bad one.. how could you be good one and your father did not give a meaning of life ? all you see is drunk father every night . wasting money by buying wine . I swore to my mother that I have not smoke .. and that lighter is for a friend of mine and I forgot it on my jacket.. she did not believe me, but at least I swore to her and she trusted me ,a little bit, I feel shame. I believe that now I can change mmy life from this to better ; I really need to smoke now... let me talk about how I started to smoke and where was my first cigarette. i spent 10 years doing KARATE , I d never thought that someday I will light that cigarette , one day I was sittinig with my cousin at cafe and he proposed to me to buy some weed and smoke it I was in need .. I accepted and then his friend brought us some weed , the first time I smoke I did not feel anything I was like this is nothing.. but when I lost my girlfriend I thought that maybe weed will make me forget her I drunk and smoke at least 3 times at week ... it was Hard times , I felt the true hard times . by the way , we are now together and I love her more than the first time; I want to talk about her but I will talk about that gorgeous girl after when I will feel that need to talk about her. Now I have to focus on what shall I do with this problem; I need some help to quit it . Now I realize what addict peole always say about how hard it is to quit it , I thought that I won't be one of them but Now I am. training , maybe training will help me to stay away from it . I became Lazy since I started smoking , I'm listening to Nas Lghiwan , best band in my country , I can hear my sister and mother talking about me from my room , did I do something wrong to make this happen to me? alright it's enough for today ,I'm exhausted , I need some sleep . Lord help me to quit that f**king bad habit PLEASE.