Notes

i have a question because something feels uneasy and weird. you promised to me that you haven't been lying and hiding things from me, but i'd rather just say this now than feel this way. there have been a lot of times recently where i feel like you have hinted at things or like sort of been beating behind the bush rather than telling me the entire truth. have you been talking to somebody else or the kid from your spanish class? you told me you were expecting a call but wouldn't tell me who, and then said you weren't actually expecting a call when i feel like you actually were to do your spanish work with him. when we were watching your tiktok together, i noticed that he was in your recents so i'm assuming that you've been talking to him regularly. also, i know doctor johnny as a name is a joke, but i feel like it represents an actual person because you talk about him so often. so have you been talking to this kid regularly? and if so, can you just be honest about it rather than hide it? i have a really strong feeling that there's something between you and him. correct me if i'm wrong, but you told me there's nothing i have to worry about, but if you are sending tiktoks to each other and talking often, it seems a bit weird that you say he is "not really a friend" and that "it's not like that" and that you "never saw him that way". i'm not trying to accuse you of anything, so i just wanted to ask you about this. i know we aren't together, but i feel like you shouldn't hide things from me out of respect. it is definitely disrespectful if this is the case. i just don't want to waste my time talking to you often and thinking one thing if it is really something else. because truthfully, i've really enjoyed talking to you this past week and it's made me a lot happier in general, but i don't deserve to be taken advantage of, so i'd rather ask you about this now than continue to be misled if that is the case. i don't want to feel like this but its my honest feelings and suspicions, and i feel like i know enough to say this rather than it being a random accusation. i don't deserve to feel this way, so i want some clarification on whether i am wrong or right. it hurts to feel like this because i love you too much and i feel like it is so fucked up if you and him have been talking or like each other. there is a difference between a friend and something more than that, and i'm not going to let myself be lied to.