Notes

the first time i wrote it it all kinda went together and made more sense tbh. but whatever, first things first. my dads mark and my moms lindsey. my moms married to josh. my dads dating kim. my dad works from six in the morning to at least nine every night, everyday of the week. i get to see him every other weekend under court stipulation, four days a month. when i see my dad i treasure every second of it. hes one of the greatest guys youll ever meet, i swear. but his works more important than me. he puts going out to the bars and working before his only child. my mom does a lot of volunteer work for the juvenile jail and out church and josh is gone from three in the morning to three thirty everyday. were honestly being raised on our own. ive been home all day all by myself more than half of my life now. at my age now i dont really mind being home alone, i actually like being alone now. thats not the point though.the point is that my parents are never home to talk to me and ask me how im feeling anymore. in seventh grade i had a knife pulled to my back in the middle of class by another girl and i was getting bullied by the people i thought were my friends. once my mom knew what was all going on with me she took me out and kept me at home since then. i don remember a year since then that i havent been bullied. thats pathetic, im not even in the high school and i get bullied worse than when i was in school. i hate just about 75% of people at that school. but anyways, my life.. ive moved more times than once every year. new house, new town, new school, new friends. every other year of my life. when i was probably in like sixth grade i really started caring about what other people thought of me. ever since then ive been really self conscious of myself. i was a bigger kid in middle school because i was really short too. last summer i grew into my height and ever since then ive been ever worse about myself because i dont look at myself when i change and i dont look at myself like ever. every time i see myself in the mirror all i can see is what caused me so much pain in school and even right now. tbh, i dont even care anymore if you know. i have stretch marks on my hip and my outer thighs. theyre not like noticeable if youre not looking for it. i dont know what to think when i see myself anymore but i do know i dont miss the old me. ive dated three people in the last two years. two out of three of them cheated on me. one of the three left me for something better. when people tell me im pretty or whatever you might understand where im coming from now. theres things i see in myself that other people dont see. i wanna spend a lot of time with you bo. i wanna keep you in my life for a long ass time and i mean every word of this. youre one of the sweetest people i know. i mean you help me with my fucking homework. like wow, its relieving to know some good people still exist anymore. thank you for not only listening but helping me.