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everyday i am reminded that I am not with her... i long to be with her because I have no one, atleast no one I wanted. I used to drown my sorrow with brain numbing drugs just to pass the time, just to feel unconscious.
I was merely existing, waiting for a better future with a better living environment and now I am here. Everytime that i see her face i am reminded how much i failed to get her attention and how much i failed to show her that she needs me. maybe the truth is that she doesnt need me and that we really are so much different from each other. I dont want to think about her anymore, it has been years since she first tore my heart out and kept it locked behind thick bars. I think she forgot to give me back the heart and now just lives like the heart doesnt exist.
I could move on and try to be done with her but I dont think i want to do that this time because I have effectively cut off all ties to previous endevours and I dont want to do that again. The pain was too great at the time to handle but now i am faced with a similar situation so I am definitely contemplating my next decision. I have been trying to fill my vision with nice things and surround myself with good people but that only reminds me of how good she was.
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