Notes

Prof.Stetson-Tiligadas
Dimitra Agriou
31/3/2015
Dimitra Agriou
A topic that a lot of people are discussing these days is about the internet of things (IOT)
because every day there is something new. Some of them believe that OIT will change their lives
and help them more with their daily program. However some others claim that IOT companies
will eventually control their lives. Likewise, some believe that is terrible for their lives, but
others claim that this will help them whit their transportation, emergency situation and that the
IOT will make their children’s life easier.
Transportation these days is something that a lot of people think because they believe that it is
a big problem that is making their lives tougher every day. The possibilities for traffic, accidents,
and how can someone move in another country is a big problem that everyone is thinking every
day because they don’t want something like that to destroy their programs and appointments.
Moreover if an a accident happen on the road the GPS automatically can pass those information
to the system and when a person is driving then it can give an alternative road to go to his
destination so as not to lose time. If a person has to go quickly to his/her job or is late for an
appointment data will send it to the car’s GPS system and it will find a quick route to their
destination .Similarly if a person comes from a different country and wants to move in the city
that he/she traveled and is unable to understand the language, there will be in every way of
transportation and at the stops a camera or a sensor that will understand from where he/she is
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
Can you add one more sentence here explaining what the IoT is? (ex. connected machines, Internet-connected devices, etc.)
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
What punctuation is missing here?
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
You don't want to have this in your thesis statement because it removes you from the debate. You want to begin this clause with "this (or "the IoT") will help them with their....."

Then you've said what other people think in the beginning, but clearly stated what YOUR position is (not what the position of other people is). Does that make sense?
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
Remember that we have to begin each argumentative paragraph with the opposing point of view. Then we rebut it and give our point of view in the rest of the paragraph.
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
Check the subject-verb agreement here.
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
What can you do here to make the level more academic? Are there other contractions in your essay that you can change to be more academic?
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
This looks like the perfect place to cite one of the class videos as a source. You could begin by saying, "Moreover, according to the EU Digital Agenda video #3, if an accident happens on the road, the GPS.....
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
Here you could begin by referencing the Corning video.
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
type of

from and translate everything so as to give the specific information he has to use the way of
transportation to go to the location that he/she wants.
More deadly accidents and deaths of elderly people happen every day because the ambulance
didn’t had the opportunity to go and save them, but also because like the elderly people forgot to
take important medicine that a doctor ordered to take it without losing any of the doses because it
can be deadly for them and die form an accident like that. So it is believed that those accidents
can happen any time and anyone can help with those situations. However if the IOT enters
everyone’s life a lot of lives can be saved. For example if there was somewhere an accident at
the road, automatically a sensor that will be in the car can automatically do a call to a hospital.
Also by using the geo-location data of the place where the crash happened it can direct easily and
quickly an ambulance. Furthermore if an elderly person has forgotten to take his/her pills whith
IOT an alarm is going to activate warning him to take it; if such contact is needed it will call a
family member and if they are unavailable it will message a hospital to send someone to go to
check if everything is all right.
The students sometimes, lose time where they can study or relax, due to the canceling of their
classes. Maybe a bigger problem is when a parent sending his/hers children to school or to
college, because they grew up in another country or in other city or just to the school in the city,
all they want is that their children are safe. For this reason a lot of parents always stand by their
children every moment and they worry about what can happen because they cannot trust any
college or school where that’s happening since in those areas the drugs and bulling increased in a
very short time. So if the IOT existed in every school/college maybe the safety levels would
increase. If a professor became sick a system would send message at the school and then to the
students that the class is canceled. Also a system where is connect with an electronic agenda it’s
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
Again here, the paragraph has to begin with the opposing point of view. In your "side" of the topic sentence, you would want to mention only how the IoT can save lives or improve health. You want to save the detail of elderly people for one of the supporting sentences. It's too detailed for a topic sentence.
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
This is the idea to put into the topic sentence after stating the opposing point of view.
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
It seems that this was already mentioned earlier in the same paragraph. I think you said it better here, however. Also, what source can you attribute this information to?
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
Very nice use of the semi-colon. Make sure to highlight this as target language?
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
Here again you need to begin the paragraph with the opposing point of view. Also, remember that you have to have a broader idea in the topic sentence before starting with the supporting details. IT seems that the information in this paragraph relates to safety and convenience, so those are the ideas you want to have in your topic sentence.
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
What source could be included here with a verb of reference?

calculating the new time of the everyday program. Additionally it could find the time of each
transportation a student would have to take to go to school. Moreover it could send data to the
kitchen’s machines to make breakfast at the right time. If in a college or school with a security
system where scanning faces someone who is not from this college or school comes, the security
persons can see who he is and detain him for information. With the help of IOT they can also
find who will do something illegal or saw students where underlying bullying behaviors.
Finally the IOT is really important for all of the people in the world because although some
believe that IOT will change their lives in a negative way, many believe that IOT will help see
that it is superior at the sectors of Emergencies or in an everyday house or to a school or to a
college. Moreover with transportation problems where there can happen a lot of things such as
accidents or traffic and also for a person who is coming from different country. Also with a
student’s program and with the way it will change and make again a new one with problems
where can happened, IOT can solve everything in a few minutes. Eventually that where it have to
mention that IOT is something that if it start in a few years form new it will be change our lives
forever because it can solve a lot of things.
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
Very good conclusion!
Susan Stetson-Tiligadas:
The first part of this sentence is a little awkward. How can you rephrase it so that it's clearer?