Notes

so .. yeahh let me start off by how my life is really fucked up .. so as yk im going thru something like depression idk whats wrong with me or why i act like this .. i want better for myself .. all that fighting stuff is not cute n now i cant go to schoool i have to change like i understand why but ik shes not gonna do anything i really cant explain whats going onlike all these mistakes i make and bo aleways told me to do good and i broke that promise and im not going anywhere in life like i just wanna punch a wall or run away ,, it feels way better if i died because all my problems will be gone and everybody wouldnt have to worry about me anymore like i cant explain like i just hate myslef .. i just wanna get away from the world .. like instagram .. now i cant go back to school my mama dont even trust me to go back but i promis ive been good in school i havent went to restart or any of that like my life is so fucked up just when it was getting back good .. and instagram isnt doing me any better at all sometimes i just wanna take a knife in slit my wrist open and go crazy .. my mind is all over tha place right now .. i wanna hang myself so bad i just wanna be with bo my mind is not in the right state right now .. like just living in louisville is a no seeing people die everyday i just wanna get away from the world and be happy .. i cant take it no more and i really need to pray righy now like all this anger and pain built up i just wanna go insane all i ask for is to be good idk who i am anymore and when i get in troble my mama always say sum shi like ..you try to act hard n shi like she dont know et shi hurts my feelings all i just ask is for another chance and the only person that can really help me is either my mishia or my 2 friends i can claim mishia as my second mama because she does some stuff my mama doesnt do like let me go places with man man or even buy me stuff and thats we our bond is close i go to her house alot to get away from my mama or even my granny and im so thankful to have her , she even got my mama to let me go back to school but i messed that up tryna be coo .. i feel like i will do better without instagram and only talk to 2 of my friends .. because they understand me the most and they both want better for me .. i try to do good in school but the littlest stuff just get always get to me .. sometimes i need to be the bigger person and pay them no attention because thats what they want is attention n try to make me mad ive been doing good in school like turning my assiments in on time .. some times i just lay in my bed in think kay wtf is wrong with you .. your not making your family happy by what your doing n all they want for you is to be good n do better .. and now that bo is gone idk what to do anymore because bo made me happy and it hurts to not see or hear his voice n i miss when he use to come pick me up or buy me some donughts .. like i sit back in think .. like death gotta be easy cause life is so hard and i cant take it anymore .. its so much pain in me .. like sometimes i just feel like my mama brings me down by how she talks to me and what nasha said was right yall dont know how we be feeling when yall talk to us .. i really dont like to tell nb how i feel because sometimes i cant explain it like sometimes ill just sit in my room in cry .. who am i .. or who was i