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im sick of throwing up when terrified, I'm sick of having trauma, I'm sick of breathing, I'm sick of being unable to handle touch randomly, i hate crying myself to sleep each and every night, i hate that i let sam rape me every night just so he'd leave my friends alone because it hurts so much, i hate that i refuse to tell doc n ren or all my friends what sam does to me, m sick of being used, m sick of crying randomly at mere flashbacks, m sick of hiding while fronting, m sick of not being able to handle yelling, i hate that sometimes when doc or ren touch me i think they're sam and panic, m sick of thinking so much of taurtis and sam, m sick of being silent, m sick of being terrified of sam

maybe i am just a broken toy for sam to use, maybe i just arent a being

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