Notes

why am I here, I don't want to be alive. " Get out of bed" I don't want to. Everything hurts. I can't wear short sleeves anymore. "ur scars," I tell myself before going out of my room. Why did u relapse u idiot? I hate myself so much. I know I need to stop but I can't. I get up supposedly to brush my teeth but I can't. " Just brush ur teeth, it's not that hard" I slept with my makeup and eyeliner again. I need to stop being so lazy. I look at myself in the mirror. "I look so ugly" "Is that really me" "What happened to me". As I get to school, I feel my anxiety kicking in. I plug in my headphones and put on my hoodie and continue walking. I spot bshara, (Small recap: Bshara is the guy I plan to spend the rest of my life with, he`s the only person that can make me feel safe and alive). I go there to hug him and let me tell u, one hug from this kid can make ur world stop. One hug from this kid can make u feel the safest u have ever felt. *Bell rings* We take our bags and head to our classes. *History class* " Just get through class" "You can do it" "I don't want to be here" "I don't understand this" *Classes pass by with the same shitty thoughts* *its break time* thank god I get to see bshara again. *sees him with Abby, Leah, Nicole, etc* "Oh.. maybe I'm not as important to him as I thought I am" "why do I feel like I'm not good enough" "Is he gonna leave me" "Does he not love me" *Looks around* "Everyone's eating, why tf cant u fucking eating" "I'm so fucking done with this" "I'm tired" *school ends and I get home" *Finds parents fighting and broken stuff, starting from broken hearts to broken doors* *I go to my room* "I have to clean my room" ....... " I can't do this, it's too much" *Lays in bed crying and just tired of life".