Notes

Dear God please help me. It all started in 6th grade UGHH. Worst year ever. Anyway today is Sunday, January 17 2021. so when I was in elementary things were going great literally I didn't care about anything I didn't care about what I wear, what I look like, or what people say about me. you know I was just.. happy. but of course at some point middle school had to come, I didn't change one bit. I still had my glow up Skechers and my cute little kitty shirts, UGH so embarrassing. anyway, I was still childish by the first month of 6th grade. but on the second month everything changed. I started to worry, like about everything. like what I wear, what people say or think about me, and especially what I look like, I never really like my outfits because I picked them when I was in like 5th grade, so you know what I did.. I wore my jacket all... day just to cover up my shirt that literally said "✨Your Pawsome✨" with a dog or cat on itಠ_ಠ but eventually we went shopping and I picked out a couple shirts, there was nothing wrong with them but I was starting to become insecure. I didn't like to show my arms because of how harry they were and how ashy my elbows were so I still wore the jacket all day. and I wasn't only my arms it was almost everything. I always wore pants because my legs, I always wore jackets because my arms and fat and I also wore my hoodie just to cover my face and hair. there was always some reason for me to cover up. and from there nothing got better it only got worse I started to become depressed not only about my body but because of where I was in life, ill tell you right now I wasn't in a good place. I always thought I wasn't gonna become successful in life and thought that I should just give up I never saw a point in me. you probably think that my life couldn't get any worse. well guess what.. It did. my life actually got way worse, remember one of my insecurities about my legs?? well it turned into my anxiety. my anxiety got so bad to the point where I didn't want to be seen in front of boys with my legs showing, that was actually was my anxiety. so pretty much if a boy saw my legs I would hide, and if couldn't hide then I would cry and my heart would beat faster than it ever would and I would start to panic and bad things would start to happen. but the good thing is nothing got worse. and the bad thing is.. it didn't get better. so i was pretty much stuck like this till 7th grade. not all of 7th grade though. throughout 7th grade things gotten better.. really better