Notes

hints to see if youll reply or not and wow i wish i could express my feelings and thoughts more clearly and straightforward, its all i want but i acnt bc then i'll feel like im being even more annoying or bothersome and i know youre offline bc youre on other social medias, dealing with your own problems, but i cant help but feel that you put yourself as invisable so that i dont see youre online and cant bother you and please dont try changing that, dont sacrifice your own time or your choices because of my dumbass because im being stupid and overthinking everything but everything is bothering me and god i wish i wasnt so hyper aware and didnt overanalyze almost everything and just let my mind rest and be at peace bc oh god my mind never shuts up theres always so many things going on and i usually shut it out by just thinking about stories or characters bui when everything just seems so bland and boring i cant think of anything and im left with my thoughts and not to mention i feel like i bothered you with all the bad ending and arcs i wroet for servant but its like its just like a said i have to be constantly thinking of something to shut out the other thoughts and oh god why is everything i do or say just so fucking annoying, this is why i never wanted to vent because everything is a fucking mess, my school, my family, my mind, and i just cant seem to get anything under control and the smallest of things or details set me off and i spiral into panic like i amr ight now bc like you seemed so busy today and i shouldve put the festival thing aside so you could do your own thing or like i shouldve let you and juice do the festival thing together again bc i feel like this is only coming from the fact that i keep writing bad endinga dn arcs for servant bc dai is so caught up with juice and so ow youre just giving me a lil make up gift and servant really is just a minor character and not really worth any attention, i just use him so much to get othrts to jump in and have fun or whatnot but honestly you just

seemed much happier during the ball with juice rather than at the festival with servant but maybe that was just bc you were busy with your sister and oh my god theyre fictional fucking characeters but its like wow i justhave to overthink veerything and maybe i shouldve jus let everything be but you said i shouldnt vent to others about you so ere i am but i acnt help but feel like shit bc im talking about so much shit and it must be annoying but i felt bad when you said that bc venting about you is like talking behind your back and i just continue to bottle everytging up and everything continues the way it is and you eventually find out i feel like youd just think you were hurting mr without meaning to and youd be ridden with guilt and oh god i shouldnt be unloading none of this on you, you still have to resolve your own problems and you dont need to hear mine and i should really get a real therapsit but i hate talking to strangers my mom chooses out for me who will undoubtly relay all i tell them back to her which is the last thing i want bc oh god i hate her and i just want her to disappear but also i keep unloading so much shit bc all that and you keep bottling everything up and oh god i wish i could help but im so stupidly emotionally constipated i'd prbably make things worse instead of helping and oh my god this is like a 3 page esssay you dont need at this ungodly fucking hour and everything im saying is a mess and oh god the rational side of me is telling me i should stop and stray away but my entire being knowns that if i just step away and leave everything behind, nothing will be interesting anymore, everything will be a bland and boring copy of what it once was and i know i can never step away or else everything would just be so hollow bc i need everything, my character, my stories, the server, and everone in it or else everything will be the way it was 4 years ago and its judt god everything hurts and im just.. so so tired