Notes

https://www.artandwriting.org/gallery

Ayla Schorn
Grade 9
W Windsor-Plainsboro High School-North
Plainsboro, NJ 08536
Educator
Randi Greenhouse
Award
Silver Medal, 2020

“Masterpiece for the Modern Age”
In English, we learned that Charles Dickens wrote A Christmas Carol in six weeks. I will write this essay in the next fifteen minutes.

Note: Please excuse the twitter style format. But I will say this; If it’s good enough for John Green in The Fault in Our Stars, then it’s good enough for me.

*flashback to fifteen minutes ago*

Mom: You have to submit something to the Scholastic Art and Writing competition. The due date’s tomorrow.

Me: Why? I’m not gonna win. I don’t have anything to submit. Save your seven dollars.

Mom: I’m not going to pay. You are.

Me: What? That’s not fair. I haven’t had time to write an essay. And none of my journal entries are good enough.

Mom: I don’t care. Submit something. Like you said, you’re not going to win. The important lesson here is that you won’t get
anywhere in life unless you put in the effort. And also that you have to manage your time well.

Me, internally: What do you mean, “unless you put in the effort” and “manage your time well!?” Look at my 4.0 unweighted GPA and impressive athletic record! I am a high-achieving perfectionist, I know damn well how to put in the effort and manage my time!

Me, externally: *shoots her a dirty look and storms out of the room*

I proceed to climb into bed because it’s 10:30 pm. I lie there ruminating (Look, Ms. Greenhouse! I used one of my Great Expectations vocabulary words!) for several minutes before deciding that I want to spite my mother. I resolve to write the best essay ever written, right then and there and win $700 and a scholarship to Harvard. “I’ll show her,” I smirk maniacally.
I climb down the stairs, gripping the Christmas-light-wrapped banister to keep from tripping over my slippers and falling on my face (a feat I have performed more times than I am willing to admit.) I yank my Chromebook from its charger cord and turn back toward my room. But I get distracted by a “ping” from my phone. I spend fifteen minutes on Instagram (Not to enforce any stereotypes, but I am a Gen Zer, after all) before regaining sight of my goal.

* End flashback*

Side note: Yes, I know that what I wrote in parentheses isn’t funny and it isn’t meant to be funny so shut up you pompous contest judge person I’m running on one-too-many shots of Five Hour Energy, okay? If I end up submitting this under the humor category it will have been against my will.

Here I am now. Sitting upright in bed, basking in the glow of my open laptop at 11:04pm. I guess I lied. I have been writing for over 15 minutes. I might as well take a short hiatus to see what kind of entries I’ll be competing with...


I’ve just returned from the prize-winners and honorable mentions for a few writing categories on the Scholastic Awards website. I have found some commonalities. *a very real not-made-up word* The personal essays and short stories are all deep, reflective, and thought-provoking. Works under the humor category are either ironic or actually laugh-out-loud funny. No matter what, they always end with a heart wrenching or witty punchline.

In comparison to these award-winning submissions, it might appear to you, reader, that I have failed to accomplish my aforementioned goal; that this will be the best essay ever written. It has not been planned out or edited-- extensively or otherwise. However, upon closer scrutiny, something may become apparent to you.

In my remarkable genius, I have managed to subtly weave a thread of social commentary throughout this entire essay. I have created a rich, layered tapestry of political and personal themes to put even Lee’s “To Kill a Mockingbird” to shame. Now reader, if you are dubious and feeling confused right about now, there is a high likelihood that you are not very intelligent. Now, judge of this competition, I trust that you are intelligent and well-educated enough to comprehend the brilliance in this essay. It would be shameful if you could not. Even if you can’t, it would be advisable to pretend you can, in order to save your pride, not to mention your career--Once this essay goes viral, mark me, it will, headlines will be made. It’s up to you how those headlines will look. “Student’s Brilliant Essay Goes Viral After Being Rejected by Disgraced Contest Judge,” or “Judge of Prestigious Contest Praised for Discovering the Shakespeare of the 21st Century. ”

So whether or not you understand the miracle of erudition that is this essay, please award it the highest prize possible-- and not just to maintain your career or spite my mother. It would be nice to earn back the seven dollars I’m wasting by submitting this.