Notes

gogy (flashbacks) - i remember i was really tired and struggling to keep my eyes open, so my vision was a bit fuzzy and i kept dozing in the back of the car while mom drove to the smoke whatever store and i remember the smooth rumbling of the car and the smooth sound of the radio, i liked it when it was peaceful - it didn't happen that much when i was with my parents but i remember i was pretty young at the time, mom didn't start abusing me till i was 10, i was 8 in this i think. i remember the car turning off and a door opened when two small arms picked me up and coo-ed to me, i miss that. i remember sometimes id stare up at the roof and cry because mom once loved me, but then i was no longer good enough for em - mom held me, i was small for a 8 year old, ive always been small -

mom used to say i was the portable size and that it was cute but then it turned into a dumb size and that it was stupid and retarded how small i was. i miss good mom, she didn't hurt me - she'd tuck me in every night, hold me and read me a bedtime story, make me soup when i was sick, yell at my dad for hurting me - not throwing blankets at me to take to bed, hitting me for crying because i was lonely and wanted her to tuck me in and read to me and called me a spoiled brat, laughing at me when i was sick and just making the sickness worst by the abuse and chores n then putting me in the ER room.
i miss her when she was nice, i dunno what happened to her. she stopped loving me two days later when i turned ten