Notes

-Even the people you care about can hurt you-
How can someone that is supposed to protect you, hurt you so much. Like you say you don't want me to get hurt, but nobody got the chance to hurt me before you did. I thought my father would change after he got out. He did for a little bit but, i little bit doesn't last forever. sometimes i think to myself what can i do to make my father not be well.. himself. he is not a good person. i have to deal with him for 5 more years. 5 YEARS. i'm so sorry Kendall. 10 years with him is well, not going to be fun trust me. but you have me. & you always will. i'm sorry you didn't get a good father like every girl dreams of. we just didn't get lucky enough for that. but that just means that you should never let him get to you. that you should never let a man treat you badly. sometimes in life we get unlucky like mom. shes stuck with that for the rest of her life. i wish i could help her but i cant and that hurts very badly knowing i cant do anything to make her happy in that situation. soon i will be able to leave this house. notice i said house. not home. a home your supposed to feel safe in. i definitely don't feel this here. i want to make a home. if that means i have to go through this for the rest of my life then oh well. someday he cant control me anymore. my sister is doing the right thing by leaving. she deserves this more than anything in the world. not only did she graduate from high school. but she graduated from having to deal with our father for god knows how long. my sister once told me. "You must fake a smile to get through the day now, but just know one day it will become a real one." Dad if your reading this then just know your the reason that one day us kids may not be able to see our mom anymore. & btw the reason we will NEVER respect you the way we respect mom or even love you the way we love our mom is because she never treated us the way you treats us. she has never yelled at me because of what i'm wearing. your words- "why tf are you wearing a long sleeve shirt!" no. you gonna be so sad when one day your words don't matter anymore. i'm counting down the days before i can walk up to you and say- "You words don't matter anymore:)." we all are. one day i'm getting my mama out of this place. she deserved and deserves way better then you. I don't want you dead i just want you to disappear and never come back. everyone that lives in this house has cried because of your actions. mom- you hurt her mentally and physically. nana- you broke her daughter. us- you broke our family, you made us watch and listen to your horrible actions, to add onto that you hurt us. you broke our mother. & the only thing that could even help fix that even a little bit would be for you to leave this house and never come back. we don't want you here. EVER. thank you for listening to my little rant to whomever is reading this right now. I'm sorry mom, nana,lexi,kendall. i love you guys.