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FOUR YEARS OF COLLEGE,
FAMOUS PROFESSORS
TUTORING ME;
SCHOLARSHIP KID,
EVERYTHING PAID FOR,
FOOD AND VACATIONS,
ALL OF IT FREE.
DAY THAT I LEFT,
EVERYONE GATHERED,
THEIR CHEERING STILL RINGS IN MY EARS . . .
BUT I COULD PASS THAT FOOTBALL
LIKE NOTHIN’ YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!
COULDN’T SPELL A LICK,
COULDN’T DO ARITHMETIC;
ONE AND ONE MADE THREE,
THOUGHT THAT DOG WAS C-A-T,
BUT I COULD PASS THAT FOOTBALL
LIKE NOTHIN’ YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.
COULDN’T DANCE FOR BEANS,
MASHED MY GIRLS TO SMITHEREENS.
SOMETIMES BLOOD WAS SPILLED,
STILL MY CARD WAS ALWAYS FILLED,
BECAUSE I PASSED THAT FOOTBALL
LIKE NOTHIN’ YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.
COULDN’T FIGURE RIDDLES,
PUZZLES MADE ME POUT:
WHERE THE HELL WAS MOSES WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT?
I COULDN’T EVEN TELL RED FROM GREEN,
GET THOSE VERBS THROUGH MY BEAN,
BUT I WAS BUDDIES WITH THE DEAN
LIKE NOTHIN’ YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.
PASSED WITHOUT A FUSS
ENGLISH LIT AND CALCULUS.
NEVER HAD TO CRAM,
EVEN PASSED THE BAR EXAM,
BECAUSE I PASSED THAT FOOTBALL
LIKE NOTHIN’ YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.
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