Notes

When I was young, I began enjoying listening to the music that makes me happy today. From ten years old, I've been very involved with a band called Motionless In White, and I've attended all of their shows in my area since 2018 and have purchased their albums just to show them my support. In August of 2019, my mother told me that they were playing a show in Tucson, Arizona, and I knew that I had to go; what she didn't tell me was what made the experience terrifying once we made it to the Old Pueblo.

It was a week before October 13th, 2019, which was the day Motionless In White would play their show in Tucson. I was already getting hyped about it, for I hadn't seen them in concert since a previous tour where they last played in Arizona. My mother walked into my room as I was drawing in my sketchbook, asking me a question that horrified me more than any horror movie ever could: "So, what are you going to ask them at the questionnaire?" That question of curiosity alone made my heart sink into my stomach as I realized what was going on — I was meeting my idols and I didn't know what I was going to say to them at all. I never thought it would be so soon and unexpected, for at every previous gig of theirs we were in the general admission's standing room, but now that I knew that I had to come up with something to ask or say before the week passed and I didn't know where to start. I told my mom that I didn't know yet, which then she promptly left as she went to make dinner, unaware that I had no idea that we had gotten VIP tickets rather than general admission this time around.

On the drive from Phoenix to Tucson, I looked out the window and pondered about what I would say. This early Christmas gift of going to this show really took its turn and I still didn't know how to prepare myself for the brief moment I would stand in the same room as the guys I looked up to for two years then. I might have been a bit dramatic, but the thought of being so close to them and them knowing of my existence frightened me so much that my leg bounced out of control against the car floor as my mom drove us to Tucson. I was grateful that I had this opportunity, but I was so nervous about embarrassing myself by stuttering or saying something odd to them, especially since I was so young and I was obsessed with them for what felt like an eternity.

The stop to Denny's and then the rest of the drive wasn't any better either, for my anxiety to talk to these guys built up and I became even more petrified to continue that day. When we made it to the venue where Motionless In White would play, I forced myself out of the car and I stood in the line forming for VIP attendees to enter first. I came up with a few ideas of how to interact with the guys once I was stood face-to-face with them, but I still wasn't very sure of how I would proceed with any of them — now as the time grew closer, the pressure started kicking in, and I felt my heart pound out of my chest as I stood waiting to enter the small building. After what felt like so long, the band's manager stepped out of the building and started checking tickets, scanning them with a device, and handing those with VIP tickets laminates with a card that read the band's and the tour's names and "VIP" written on it. As I got my laminate and I placed it around my neck, I knew that I wasn't dreaming, and this was really happening; I was meeting my idols and I set myself up for failure.

As we were guided into the building and instructed to sit down, I noticed a banner on display with the band's name and an alternate version of their latest album's artwork — "I bet that's what we'll take the pictures with them in front of," I lowly told my mom as a guess while I sat down on the floor. My insides melted into jelly when I heard the people around me clapping and cheering, making me glance over at the entrance, my eyes widening a little and a nervous smile pulling at my lips. The members of Motionless In White were walking into the room, and the questionnaire would start right away. I couldn't believe that they were really there right in front of me and everyone else there, and I also couldn't believe that they looked just as the pictures show on the Internet and their pages on social media. I wasn't exactly nervous around all of the guys, but the person who made me extremely frantic was their rhythm guitarist, Ricky. He had been my favorite since I began listening to the band, and seeing the person I've looked up to for so long made my heart skip a beat and my mind race with the possibilities of what I can ask or say to him.

I didn't ask a word to any of them during the questionnaire, but I enjoyed everything they had said and the laughs that came with multiple answers to fans' questions. Now that the questionnaire was over, though, the scary part of the experience was coming — I had to stand next to the guys, talk to them if I wanted and take a picture for the memories and a perk of the VIP pass. I silently gulped as I stood up, walking with my mom to get in line for the picture we would soon take with the band, shakily sighing and tapping my heel against the floor in thought. Soon enough, my mom walked up to the band first and separately, talking to the guys as I stood in the front of the line and gazed at them before it was my turn. My mom stepped away from their lead vocalist, Chris, and I knew it was my time to make an impression on them and tell them about everything they had done for me for so long.

Stepping into what felt like the spotlight, I felt the urge to run past them and not say a thing, but I knew I needed to do this, for the opportunity would likely never come again. I anxiously looked up at the guys — they were all taller than me by at least two inches — and I smiled, feeling my cheeks turn hot and my breathing grow heavier. Softly, I murmured, "Hey," as I looked up at Chris first, soon glancing at Ricky and falling prey to my fears. "He probably thinks I'm crazy!" I screamed at myself in my head, my audible words getting caught in my throat as I eventually began to speak. "I've looked up to you guys since 2018 and I'm really happy to be here with you now, thank you so much for everything..."

I can't recall exactly what Chris said, but I know that it was something along the lines of the band being appreciative of my support. Nervously, I looked at the camera and I smiled, feeling the singer's arm wrap around me and pull me in between him and Ricky, which made me let out a shaky breath in relaxation, realizing how kind they really were and how caring they were of their fans. I heard the camera click and I looked back up at all of the guys collectively, softly murmuring another quiet, "Thank you.." before stepping away from them and holding my face in my hands. Hot tears streamed down my face as I met with my mom at the exit again, knowing that my dream had just come true and that the members of Motionless In White now knew how much they meant to me.

The rest of the night went along great — my mom sent me to set our signed posters that we had gotten from the guys in our car and then rush back to be let into the actual auditorium, and then the guys played their setlist and gave us all a good show. It was a brilliant experience and I do not believe I'll ever forget the memory of being so close to them, especially since I was so unprepared and that I felt forced into such an awkward situation. Every time I look up at the signed poster that now hangs in a frame above my bedside table, and every time I look into my bedroom mirror and see the VIP laminate hooked onto it, I always think about the brief moment I came close to Motionless In White and smile — I didn't think I would be able to handle talking to the band, but looking back, October 13th was such a fun night that I will never forget.