Notes

I went swimming with a tomato in the countryside, but not any tomato, that little bastard who was about to ruin our lives in particular.
THAT tomato knew, he had seen us and the rest of the council perform our sacred ceremony, we did not want to take the risk, so we decided that he shall be eliminated.
So how do you kill a tomato? We had to make it look like an accident but that bastard easily survived poison, and when we tried to push it off a cliff it fabricated a parachute in the air with a napkin, a paperclip and two nickels.
So we decided that drowning him would be the best and easiest option, since we all obviously know that tomatoes can’t swim.
We were both of us and a crippled cat alone in a river pretty far away from our little town at 6 a.m, I got in without hesitation and invited the tomato to get in.
“ are ya gonn’ aget in ya little fruit? “ I provoked him with a smirk on my face
The tomato hesitated but right before my eyes, the tomato did a double black flip in the air and flawlessly fell in the water without any splash.
And just before I had time to do or say anything the tomato started swimming crol style like an olympic professional, that’s when I started actually noticing how well built that tomato was and just how handsome he was.
I blushed a little, with my seven teeth I made a shy smile and left a little nervous laugh “tee-hee~” the water was piping hot and so was his body.
I was so mesmerized by that handsome tomato that I didn’t realize how my foot got caught up in some seaweed, even though this was a river, and I started drowning.
Just when I started cursing myself for getting into that situation I saw a great white shark swimming in my direction with the intent of eating me, what was a great white shark doing in a small river of the countryside? It doesn’t matter since right behind it Lord of darkness Cthulhu was emerging from the ̷s̷e̷a̷ waters.
Just when i thought my future was sealed the tomato, that tomato gently se-tangled the seaweed from my feet, it threw a punch to the great white shark, it wallowed in pain and left, then he looked Cthulhu right in the eye, the Lord of Darkness started showering in fear and hid in the water again to rest for the next 28479 years.
We got back to land and sitted down to see the sun go down, the tomato looked and me and said
“ḑ̷͍̰̝̭̩͛̀̐͡ ę̷̭̞̳̳̈́͆̑̕ t̸̡͖̰͓̎́͝ a̸̧͓̘̖̽͂̀͝ v̴̟͇̣̊͌͂͗͜͞ l̴̯̠̣̰̬͌̔̏͜͡ a̵̢̝̲͇̾̋͠ s̴̖͈̭̖҇̃̽̑͜ b̵̢͓͕̫̂̋̉̃̓̕ e̵̩̜̭͒̓̓̕͢ ḷ̵̡͓͍͇̬̍̋͋̆͝l̸͕̙̘̈͋̚͢͡ a̸̮̩͉̰̦̽̌͑̚͢͠ h҈̤̟̬̊͋͢͠ ạ̸̡̳̗̩̝̎̄̃̕ k̴̟͍̳̪̜͋͂̀̿͛͢͡ a̵̧̱̳͕̔͆͞ ê̷̜̳̘̇̆́͜͞ w̴̡̗͖͖̙̏͂͞ e҈̳̰҇̈́̊̃͢ḥ̸̨̰̽͐̀͝ ṯ̵̝͚̳͚͂́͗͐̚͢͡ “

I blushed to his kind words, when I realized that maybe that red fruit vegetable thing was actually worthy of joining our sacred council, until now only white, sunburned, overweight cisgender heterosexual males who where missing half of their teeth where allowed in but he was special, so I asked him.
“Soo~ … how do you feel about the KKK?”
Fin :)