Notes

Backing Out

It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life or so my parents said. They were gleaming with joy when I went to see them last night. It was my last night as a bachelor and my father had requested an audience with me. My mother joined the meeting. They gave me tips on how to be a good husband. ‘A better husband than my father was’, my mum said. I was the first son and child of the family so I wanted to make them all happy even if deep down, I didn’t want any of this. I wasn’t ready for this. I didn’t want to live all of my life in pretense.

On my way out, my sister, the black sheep of the house stopped me before I could drive out. She sat in the passenger seat beside me, held my hand, and asked ‘Are you happy Teju?’. But it was too late now, I couldn’t back out. Everything was planned. My mother had taken it upon herself to invite our friends and families abroad, paid their hotel bills, picked out really expensive clothes, and just go all out. It was her first child’s wedding anyway so all of that was expected. So I said replied and confirmed that I was but she was no fool, she knew my heart was not in it and as is her usual way, she called me out on that bullshit.

‘Remember when you performed on stage the first time? Your eyes shone, you could barely conceal your joy. You couldn’t stop smiling all night and you said to me, “Babe, this is true happiness” and I have seen this happen for every goal you meet but you’re not saying it this time. So no, I’m not buying your yes.’

She was right. I did not want to do this. Not the marriage. It was her. I did not love her. I did not want her. I did not love women and my mother knew this but I had to go through with this or I risk being disowned by my own family and I’m not strong enough for that. It would break me.

“I do not have a choice. Papa and Mama already went all out on the wedding plus its tomorrow, it’s too late.”, I replied.

“It’s never too late, man. You deserve true happiness. You’ve always wanted it and you get it every single time you set your heart to getting it so go after it this time, again. For you. For me. For life.”

She knew what the condition and she had been the only person that took time to understand me. That made us closer. She knew my ex’s and she loved them. She always scrutinized anyone that made advances to me. I loved her for this. And her scrutiny has helped a whole lot. She was very particular about this ONE man, Michael. And yeah, he was great. We had met at a karaoke bar. It was a night out with my sister, her boyfriend, and a friend of ours. She called my attention to someone staring at me but I didn’t think it about it much. He was very handsome but I maybe wasn’t at the bar to pick men up so I kinda ignored him. Smiled back and went back to listening to the performance.

It was my turn to perform and as usual, I gave an astounding one. Everyone clapped, some whistled *HAHAHAHA* and yeah, it was great. He approached us when we were stepping out of the bar and he said he’d like to speak to me.

“Yes please, take him”. My silly sister responded.

He saw me pinch her and he smiled. They excused us and left us to talk.

“Great performance. I really loved it.”, he started off.

“Thank you. I didn’t even give y’all the stuff I really planned to but this worked fine”.

He laughed. “Cocky, I likey”. I smiled.

He talked about he works for a media company and they have hangouts with stars and artistes and all and how he’d like me to come around and give them a spoon of my awesomeness and maybe we could get drinks tomorrow night.

I couldn’t say no.

We hung out a lot of times after that and he was really good. He was surprised that my sister knew about all of this but it made him more comfortable around us and family. He’d always come around to my house, gist with my sister, even go on cruises with my sister. They planned a surprise birthday for me last year and it was great. Thanked him in the bedroom that night and my sister did not stop talking about the sounds that came from my room all night. I should add that sex with him was awesome as well.

Our friendship went on for about two years, he asked me out a few times but because I was seeing a lady, I didn’t say yes. My sister tried talking to me about it but I made her understand and talked to him too. I think he was getting too disappointed so we started spacing out. We haven’t spoken in about five months now.

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