Notes

I finally understood what made me use chatous, and what made me so empty. I wasnt feeling empty, I was feeling lonely. I may have had a big social group and I talk to a lot of people in my daily life, but I wasn't happy. Because besides a big social circle, everyone craves for an intimate attachment to someone. Someone who understands me deeply and someone whom I can talk to freely about my emotions.. For 3.5 years that someone was my girlfriend and I felt happiness for so long. But after breaking up I lost that intimate attachment. An intimate attachment would only be towards one or two important persons in our lives who understood us. You and I, we both felt lonely because we felt that we lacked that special someone who understood how we feel deeply. That's why we chatted so happily for 7days like soulmates. We felt like each other filled that intimate attachment, that's why we enjoyed talking to each other so much. But when we tried to avoid emotional attachment, the whole story changes, we could no longer satisfy our need for that intimate attachment. That's when it no longer feels happy for us. I understand that you may be avoiding attachment with me because we are so far apart and you think it isn't realistic. But I'm willing to just continue this attachment with you because it makes me happier than anything in this world. Nobody would ever fill that role better than my stranger soulmate from Philippines. Since when did any moral values or laws state that we have to be physically together to have an attachment? What made us thought this is wrong and that we should give up on it? Is it worse to be physically apart with a strong attachment or to be physically together without any emotional connection? What I wish for is not a relationship, but just to have a soulmate there for me. That kind of love surpasses any kind of relationship.

You said you liked guys who write letters, this is the best I could come up with.