Notes

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Mistake I've been calling this by people i met in life, even by family at times, because i make mistakes, always, my existence, is a mistake, i feel that way, always.
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Disappear: I bring burdens into people's lives that nobody wants, i don't purposely do it, me being bipolar and anxiety do it unintentionally, and they want me to disappear because i cause pain and suffering.
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Die: I have attempted to end my life before, and thought of it many times, i have cut a lot in the past, people tell me to Die so they can be free of my existence and hatred.
Suicidal Coward: As stated in the line above, I have been suicidal for a while, and tried ending my life, i don't know what i am as of now, but i do not want to die, i get called a coward for running away.
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Cut more: People that get very mad say things that relate to me harming myself, i do not hate anyone that has done wrong to me, i hate myself for being too weak to defend myself.
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Loser: I'm never a winner, i am always losing, i am losing the fight of my life everyday, i can't strive for victory and make it out ontop without reaching rock bottom.
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Get a life: I have only gone outside 4 times the past 4 years, That's one time a year, i social distance myself from friends, family, etc, I lost a lot of friends, some did leave, but others left from growing up and me being too selfish to see them, i loved my friends, and now one of them is married and has a life, while i am not even near a life like that.
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Bipolar Freak: Me being bipolar taught me a lot of things, and that is i can be a bitch and dark monster at once, i ran into all kinds of people, and found out other people suffer things like me, but it's never the same, some reasons are sad, others are for self pleasure, i found that i am not the only one who harmed for escaping, but my mood swings are too much for people to handle so i get called a freak.
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Anti Social Moron: I cannot even stare at my own family, nor can i even look at my cat in the eyes, i am terrified of eye contact, i am terrified of humans, i do not go outside because i feel safe in here, i know i am not safe, but it's my sanctuary, i am alone, i was alone growing up from 15, in a bad way, and i've adapted to that ever since, I am a Moron.
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Pathetic: I am gonna be Twenty soon and i have not made any life changing choices, i am a failure, there are younger people who are going through things but got out early, while i myself cry and complain about how i want to get out, but never do anything about it. i am pathetic. i am myself. i am me.
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