Notes

I'm tired of living. Everyday it gets worse and worse. The tears falls harder each time. What did I do to deserve this? I can't even talk to my own mother. She helps everybody else but me. She claims anybody can talk to her but when it comes to me she says "I don't wanna hear it". I'm tired. I cant' do this anymore. It hurts so bad that sometimes I can't even cry. She spends so much money on my siblings and her boyfriend but can't even buy me a cheap phone. She spends hundreds of dollars on them and I get nothing. I just wanna die. She calls me lazy and nasty but all I do is try my best. Every time I cry she just says " I don't care about your tears" or "stop being a punk. I'm so sick of crying. She says she does the things she do to toughen me up but it does nothing but breaks me down. I'll never be happy. Every time I see her face my smile drops. All I can do is sleep it out. When I sleep she won't start uncaused for arguments. She doesn't appreciate nothing I do but when my cousin that lives with us does it she doesn't care. She always says I half clean but when someone else in the household does it she ignores it or say "your my child its different". No it doesn't work like that we should get treated the same. I'm at my lowest and I don't think I'll get better if i'm staying with her. My life was good till HE went to jail. He treated me like no other. He was the best. I'm sorry he used to hit you but I wish I could go back to those days. All this and I bet you still don't care smh. Everyday I wanna kill myself. You talk about other peoples parenting but you're no better. You aren't overprotective your controlling. You take everything to far. But I really don't know why I'm saying half of this you aren't going to change. This isn't half of what I had to say I just can't remeber it all at the moment. I wish I had someone who cared. You preach about how you do this and that for me but you act like its a choice its not. Your suppose to do those things like congrats on doing what a parent suppose to do lol? I'll never get anywere in life so what's the point in living? You always say i'm disrespectful for no reason so i know some of these things I said you might find disrespectful. If you dislike me say that. Idk where I'm going to go but anywhere other than with you is fine with me. I'm ready to be happy for once, please. Can I live with my uncle Robert or something please. I can live with my aunt ruby I can survive being hungry here and there. I wanted to run away but I have no place to go so it was useless.