Notes

A friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.

Every time I take a drink from a bottle, it keeps pouring back.
Must be spring water.

On a flight, off on holiday. The cabin crew member asked what I wanted to drink.
“Water”.
“Still?”
“Well, I haven’t changed my mind…”

Where can you find an ocean with no water?
On a map!

What kind of rocks are never under water?
Dry ones!

Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
They dropped out of school!

Who carries out operations in water?
A sturgeon.

How do you get a pen across some water?
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Fun & Games
80+ Water Jokes That Will Leave You Crying Salty Tears of Joy
by Team Scary Mommy

December 12, 2019 Updated July 28, 2020

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A friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water.
I think he meant well.
Every time I take a drink from a bottle, it keeps pouring back.
Must be spring water.
On a flight, off on holiday. The cabin crew member asked what I wanted to drink.
“Water”.
“Still?”
“Well, I haven’t changed my mind…”
Where can you find an ocean with no water?
On a map!
What kind of rocks are never under water?
Dry ones!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
They dropped out of school!
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Who carries out operations in water?
A sturgeon.
How do you get a pen across some water?
Biro-ing.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
What happens when you get water on a table?
It becomes a pool table.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
What runs, but never walks?
Water!
As raindrops say, two’s company, three’s a cloud.
What keeps a dock floating above water?
Pier pressure.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
Love watching running water on the internet.
Was watching a live stream.
Wanted to play water polo but couldn’t get the horses to swim.
A man walks into a library and asks for a bottle of water.
The librarian says “this is a library!”.
The man whispers “sorry, a bottle of water, please”.
What do mermaids sleep on?
Water beds!
What do you get when you throw a billion books into the ocean?
A title wave!
What kind of hair did the ocean have?
Wavy!
Who cleaned the bottom of the ocean?
A Mer-Maid
Why were the student’s grades underwater?
They were all below C level.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forwards, they would still be in the boat.
When does it rain money?
When there is “change” in the weather.
water jokes
GQ
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed.
If H20 is water what is H204?
Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming…
A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
Schwepped her off her feet.
What did the bottle of water say to the spy?
The names Bond…. Hydrogen bond.
There are 2 reasons why you shouldn’t drink toilet water.
Number 1 and Number 2.
What happens if you throw a white hat into the Black Sea?
It gets wet!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Water?
Water who?
Water you waiting for? Open the door!
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
Why do male dogs float in water?
Because they’re good buoys.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
What did one water bottle say to another?
Water you doing today?
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.Related: 100+ Nature Jokes That Will Put A Tree-mendous Smile On Your Face
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”
WIFE: “In the pool.”
That Awkward moment when you pay $2 for Evian water and notice if spelled backwards you’re Naive.
If Smart water is so smart then how did it get bottled?
In the future water will be like sarcasm.
No one will get it.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
RIP Boiled water….you will be mist.
Adele might set fire to rain… But SpongeBob can make a campfire under water.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
I asked my friend to name two places where you could store water
He was stumped. “Well, damn.”
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Damn!
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”iro-ing.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
What happens when you get water on a table?
It becomes a pool table.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
What runs, but never walks?
Water!
As raindrops say, two’s company, three’s a cloud.
What keeps a dock floating above water?
Pier pressure.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn't a fan of dry humor.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
Love watching running water on the internet.
Was watching a live stream.
Wanted to play water polo but couldn't get the horses to swim.
A man walks into a library and asks for a bottle of water.
The librarian says “this is a library!”.
The man whispers “sorry, a bottle of water, please”.
What do mermaids sleep on?
Water beds!
What do you get when you throw a billion books into the ocean?
A title wave!
What kind of hair did the ocean have?
Wavy!
Who cleaned the bottom of the ocean?
A Mer-Maid
Why were the student’s grades underwater?
They were all below C level.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forwards, they would still be in the boat.
When does it rain money?
When there is “change” in the weather.
water jokes
GQ
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed.
If H20 is water what is H204?
Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming…
A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
Schwepped her off her feet.
What did the bottle of water say to the spy?
The names Bond…. Hydrogen bond.
There are 2 reasons why you shouldn’t drink toilet water.
Number 1 and Number 2.
What happens if you throw a white hat into the Black Sea?
It gets wet!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Water?
Water who?
Water you waiting for? Open the door!
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
Why do male dogs float in water?
Because they’re good buoys.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
What did one water bottle say to another?
Water you doing today?
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.Related: 100+ Nature Jokes That Will Put A Tree-mendous Smile On Your Face
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”
WIFE: “In the pool.”
That Awkward moment when you pay $2 for Evian water and notice if spelled backwards you’re Naive.
If Smart water is so smart then how did it get bottled?
In the future water will be like sarcasm.
No one will get it.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
RIP Boiled water….you will be mist.
Adele might set fire to rain… But Sponge Bob can make a campfire under water.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
I asked my friend to name two places where you could store water
He was stumped. “Well, damn.”
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Damn!
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”