Notes

I am living through insurmountable guilt these days. I am not consistently happy during these days as I used to be. I had some of my best moments in this year be it in Blacksburg, College Station, Portland or Seattle. At the same time I went through painful self-inflicted mental strain at different instances in the year. 2020 has humbled me in a big way. All of it is swayam karma. This year has shown my place, brought me down and showed my flaws glaringly.

Having said that, rest of it is written on a happier note. :-) At the core, I have lot of respect for you and admire you a lot and you are someone from whom I try to seek advice or feedback sincerely. I feel lucky for the time I spent with you and for knowing more about you. I am grateful for that. I am sure you trusted me with some of your life experiences and happenings. Thank you for listening to all the things I shared with you along the way. There were many moments where I was humbled about life during our casual conversations. My world has definitely grown for all the interactions I had with you and for the kind of world you live in. If I am motivated to be purposeful, practical person than I used to be, it has lot to do with our talks. Knowingly or unknowingly you had imparted some sense to me. You have been kind, helpful and nice all along towards me. I really miss free flowed fun, good conversations with you. I really enjoy happy cheerful zestful unconstrained version of you. I sincerely apologize for all the instances where I behaved arrogantly, insensitively with you. I can remember all the instances where I behaved bad with you or sent those negative vibes, and I know how I cursed myself for behaving that way immediately thereafter. Sincere apologies again.

2020 taught me few things about myself and I will work on decreasing my arrogance, conceitedness, indecisiveness and will start being open to feedback, suggestions and opinions sincerely and will start being vulnerable, expressing myself than keeping everything in me. In a way, I am writing this to admit my shortcomings. I really don't want to miss those good vibes with you and the only thing I can do now is own all my actions and mistakes, bring that change from with in and be hopeful for good things.