Notes

wow so ok

i was calling with my best friend and her brother, they were both laughing and trying to introduce me to someone (the brother's friend, who is the same ethnicity as me). they commanded me to "say something in (my native language!)" so i was like "are you trying to hook me up with a (my ethnicity)?" they started laughing and said no, the guy and i started speaking, it was pretty funny because i basically said not to be friends with those weirdos (jokingly) but only the two of us could understand.

anyways, after calling the four of us texted on a gc, and i asked if i could have his contact (so i could dm him). he jokingly asked if i was trying to flirt with him, i just laughed and said no, but i was shook as hell tbh. anyways we started dming and it was absolutely amazing. i live in the US and dont have any fluent friends, but he moved from his country to here in 6th grade, and we could text in both languages switching back and forth. i never texted someone in my native language before, i only talk in it with my parents. it was surreal.

he claimed he was ugly but all his pictures said otherwise. honestly he was super cute. i didn't quite have a crush on him as there was another guy i was considering at the time, but i developed a bit of an interest in him. i asked my friend if he was single, and she asked her brother, and he said yeah he was.

time skip to some weeks after we met and followed each other on social media. i deactivated my account to take a break and not be addicted, when i reactivated it, i saw his profile picture changed to him and a girl. i'd seen her a lot before because we have a lot of mutuals and i kept getting recommendations for her account, but i never followed her. i didn't know who she was.

beforehand, the guy and i had talked about relationships. he said he had been in 3 relationships so far and that he didn't take relationships at our age seriously, which isn't really a red flag, i mean high school couples rarely get married. but he said now he was changing his mindset. anyways, if he wasn't single, he could have mentioned it in that conversation, right? i mean, we were literally talking about relationships. isn't it weird to omit your current (4th) girlfriend when you're talking about your love life? also, wouldn't that mean he doesn't take his current relationship seriously?

still, i asked him about his profile picture. at first he said something weird about how it wasn't him, and then he said "Me and my gf :D"

bOooiNnnggGg

i just kinda sat there stunned for a moment. after the convo ended i was still shook, and my homework took much longer than it usually does. apparently his account was glitching when it showed that he was still online that day until i went to sleep (long past the HeALthY sLeEpiNg tiMe), which didn't help get him off my mind.

i wasn't about to have a fullblown depression session about this, and i told myself, "stop." i wasn't about to crush on someone who was in a relationship. it was just harder for me because it was completely unexpected, out of the blue, that he wasn't single.

i was sad for the next couple days. i contemplated telling him i had been interested but quickly decided that would be weird. we continued texting, obviously as friends. but it gives me doubts. what about the flirting joke? would someone normally have said that if they were taken? what about how he told me how apparently his mom wants him to marry people of his ethnicity, and his dad told him that relationships at this age are basically just for fun? i don't know what he was thinking, whether he was aware that his actions were a bit sus, or if i'm just overthinking this.

the girlfriend, by the way, turned out to be the older sister of some annoying girl i know from school. apparently they had been dating for 5 months at the time when i first found out. i asked my friend, how come her brother didn't know?! apparently, he isn't the type of person to pay attention to social stuff, like drama and relationships. i understand that but it was still frustrating. if i knew he was taken from the start, i'd never have been interested.

i'm the first person to start our conversations, and he's the last to text. i didn't find that bad, since i left after he last said goodbye, and didn't double text. but i just stopped texting him eventually and now we don't talk.

i wouldn't say this was very inappropriate since nothing happened and no one really knows about it. but i admit, at first i was wishing they would break up and wondering if he'd ever been interested in me, even for a fleeting second. sorry for the bad grammar? it's pretty late at night and i was reminded of him now. since we don't talk i lost interest of course. wow, i've never written this out before..