Notes

Hey

Im sorry this took so long. So much has been going on and I had to make sure this was absolutely the way I wanted it to be. I thought of writing a long text wall but I really cant bare to impose on you and torture you more so Im writing this in the hope it gives you some closure or peace

I took a long time to myself to think about everything and I could not bear to just leave things the way they did. Sasu, you were right about everything and I just cant apologize enough for losing sight of it when I saw it so clearly before. I really did, it wasnt a lie to keep you around or anything. A lot of things clouded my vision and made me think maybe I was mistaken (there are many of those reasons, including people caught in the mid of it that made it harder but the last thing this gonna be is an excuses letter, I was WRONG and I will carry that guilt for the rest of my life) but having taken the time to myself to genuinely think about things, I realized, I dont wanna lie to you or myself. I really mean this from the bottom of my heart and the reason Im writing this is not my attempt to win you back but after having thought over the things you said and reread the conversations we had, I didnt want you to walk away with that takeaway. I cant rectify the damage I did to you but I can at least do this and give you this: You were more than right to ask the things you did of not just me but everyone who claimed to be loyal to you. You werent being crazy or manipulative, you were RIGHT. I hope you never stop asking others to be true and fair and your feelings were more than valid. All you asked was for decency and honesty and that was never a crime. I cant apologize enough but I dont wanna rehash shit that I already put you through.
https://i.imgur.com/Y63LjEW.png -> what i should have done a long time ago and Im so sorry

Okay... Im not sure what else to add. I think the feelings.... you know them and I feel to rant now about how hard its been to lose you would be unfair and manipulative of me. I know its not really christmas for you yet but I hope you have a merry christmas when you celebrate it and I hope the start of the new year brings about promising things for you and that the happiness you deserve comes your way. I been praying for it every day without fail and ofc, I continue to. I hope this gives you some peace and if not, then I hope in time the wounds can heal. The wounds Im responsible for. I want to write more but Im not sure what else to say that is not about me being sorry. Thanks for... even from beyond so to say, reminding me what truly matters. This year was hard and I lost a lot of people but I think I finally learnt that I only have myself to blame for the regret I feel. I will deal with it, but I wont betray myself anymore for it. There is probably stuff I forget to say but I been sleeping on this for 15 days and if I dont do it now, I will never send so this is it.

Thank you for everything and sorry for letting you down, I wish you the best today and everyday.