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im so fucking sad and lonely and i feel l,ke nothing and i feel the heaviness on my chest will never ever leave me and nothing will ever be alright and i will always stay alone and you will always stay away. i want to kill myself before everything falls apart so that i cant be responsible for all the shit thats bwcause of me. so that i cant be responsible for fucking up anymore. all these songs only work to make me cry and feel even worse about myself and everything else. cant you be here to fix everything? im sorry im such a stupid mess. but cant we fix me together too? we said we'll go through everything together and for the first time in my life i believed that. why arent you here now? why did you try everything to hurt me more everyday? why did you say you will be here if i ever need you and the next day erased me out of your life? did i do such bad things to you? i know i couldnt be there for you even though i tried and i upset you so many times unknowingly, sometimes even recklessly. i tried to change and i fucked up even worse everytime i tried. why cant i fix everything? how could you run into someone else's arms in a week? did you ever love me at all? or did you just keep trying for the past four, five, six months? how could you do that? i know i hurt you too but i never hurt you this purposely. why did you hurt me this bad? i didnt deserve it this bad. i cant carry the heaviness of my heart anymore. i wish i could die in piece, i wish i could die without having to kill myself, because then my death would be my own mistake too. i dont want to be responsible anymore. i cant take all this pain.