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Worst nights sleep ever. I went to bed happy and ready for the next day, excited to get a good nights sleep and be productive today and have a good day but I got woken up in the middle of the night at 4 am coz my stupid brain decided to bring up a past mistake and that's all i could think about. The anxiety i am having is making me feel physically sick to the point where i'm about to throw up and my stomach is churning and on top of that, i have a migraine headache from getting very little sleep because as soon as i was about to fall asleep, i would just get woken up again and that happened multiple times. I can hardly keep my eyes open coz i'm so tired and my migraine hurts so bad and feels like my head is being squeezed but i'm afraid to sleep. I'm afraid to get into bed and shut my eyes coz it's all i'm going to think about. I need something to make it go away. I think i'm going to get drunk tonight, it seems like the only way. I just want this anxiety to go away. I dont know how i'm suppose to fix this. If i ever forget about it then it's just going to creep back up again. There is no fixing this, i just have to live with this and accept the consequences when it comes. I dont know how much longer i can take this but there will come a day where it will be too much to handle and i'll find the strongest rope i can find, the strongest tree and hang myself off of it .

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