Notes

I feel alone, I feel sad, I feel depressed.No one understands the pain i feel they expect me to be happy and positive, but the truth is i'm negative and sad and i don't feel okay.I have a best friend that has problems too bu they aren't like mine, his problems are his brother, his brother has anger issues and is abusive and very mean.This one time when i was at his house his brother started a fight with him because he wouldn't give him a blanket, i kept telling him that there was another one but he wouldn't listen the fight got worse and the older brother pulled out a knife there mom heard them fighting and me and my best friend had to sleep in another room.I was so scared that I couldn't stop shivering I was so scared i wanted to say something but i was to scared to make every thing worse i tried to help but i just couldn't talk i was so scared i was just scared and terrified that i couldn't stop thinking of what just happened.His older brother pulled out a "KNIFE" on his brother i couldn't believe it i was so confused on why he would do hat to his younger brother.The next day Alexis apologized to me and his brother he said that he was so angry that he didn't know what he was doing, he felt so ad for what he did he tried his best to make it up to me and my best friend we forgave him.When i went home i told my mom what happened she said that could've told someone but i told her i was too scared i didn't know why i was scared though.In my life it isn't about rainbows and hearts unicorns and all the happy stuff, it's more like all the evil stuff that grows in me.I feel uncomfortable talking to people because i stutter a lot and a lot of people think it's weird i don't know why it's normal everyone stutters while talking right? A lot of people make fun of me which i don't really care because I know hat i'm ugly ad fat and not perfect sometimes i wished i looked prettier or i wish i we're dead but if i even try to kill myself i would be too scared i have a fear of living and dying, which is why i never speak to anyone because then they just they just think i'm weird which again i don't mind or care because i know that i'm weird and useless and pathetic sometimes i do want to die but i the same time i just don't want to die.My mom has always told me that God put me here for a reason, i always tell her "And for what reason i'm useless and dumb pathetic and stupid" She always tells me that i am beautiful and i should accept that i tell her no i will not accept that because we all know that i'm ugly and useless and pathetic i never believe her because i know that she knows that i am ugly.

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