Notes

Our journey has been very typical and ordinary. Nothing worth talking about.
What? One day a small, cute, ginger girl sat next to me in a Solfeggio lesson, talked to me for a few months, and then like hundreds of other childhood friendships faded away with time. As years passed we both wandered around looking for our purpose. I lived in Turkey, then Germany. You left Bosnia for Germany, only to come back after a few years (coincidentally, around the time I just moved to a city not far from yours). One day, for no apparent reason, during a quarantine caused by a global pandemic, fresh out of a failed relationship I decide to reach out. Don't even remember why. Maybe I was bored that night. Maybe I wanted to talk to someone else. Maybe I truly did wonder where the trash was. It was the 22nd of March, a day before my birthday (the night to be more precise) and it was - in my opinion, the start of something unusual. Something sweet and bitter at the same time. Childish in some ways, passionate in others. You planned to come to Stuttgart, to study in Germany. I was miserable there, but the sole thought of you joining me gave me a glimpse of the hope that there might be something to look forward to. A few months pass, the casual conversation turned into something just a tad bit more serious. It was on the 20th of April when we had our first date. I was at the office, all dressed up. You looked beautiful in your black dress. The way you looked at me that night, how you smiled as you heard Post Malone playing behind me.. it's one of those things that I don't think will ever leave my mind. In time, we truly became something. Not a couple, not friends either. Something special, we cared for each other, made each other happy in an abnormal way. For someone traumatized by distance, someone that despised talking on the phone, my daily conversation with you was everything that kept me sane in those days.
Such as any "relationship", we had our ups and downs. A bad day from my side, awful timing by yours - and as suddenly as everything started with us, it stopped. Took us a good whole month of questions left unanswered to realize this maybe was worth a shot.
So we gave it a shot. No plan, no security, no support, and no true reason why it could ever work; on the 20th of June, I knew just how in love with you I am. You told me you loved me. You said we were worth a shot. You said someday, somehow we might make it and push through the distance. Guided with nothing but love, we embraced the chance we've gotten and started this. The heart sees what is invisible to the eye. But yet, I found it hard to have true faith in us. All my life I was taught of one thing, and it all made it hard to believe how we would ever last. The distance, the trust, the potential arguments with no way of resolving it but texts and calls. I didn't feel ready to take on the challenge of long-distance, but I felt like I owed it to you, to us. We were in a long-distance relationship for 57 days. The 57 nights, in which we couldn't fall asleep next to each other, we had 121 video calls. Not a night passed that you didn't spend with me. 121 calls. 3833 minutes. 229.980 seconds of me looking into your eyes and falling in love with you with each passing second more than I ever thought imaginable.
Well, had somebody told me 122 days ago that we will be where we currently are? I'm in Sarajevo, studying what I always knew I had to study. If I were to stand up and walk around my apartment, I'd see two near-identical toothbrushes, two pairs of slippers; unfortunately, your pillow and your scent on your side of the bed to drive me crazy every night when you're not next to me... Had somebody told me 122 days ago when we decided to step into a relationship with no future, a lot of love and a glimpse of hope - how I'll be 10 minutes away from you, how I'll have the chance to hold you while you sleep and wake you up with a kiss each morning.. what I'd give..
Quite an ordinary story we had. Every single day with you is special. I love you so much, it's starting to steal the meaning of other words.
Happy four months of us, pumpkin. I love you forever. Najviše.