Notes

"Our Workplace is Like a Family" - That's the Problem
What's the first organization you joined? Little League, a neighborhood children's group, a theatre troupe, childhood soccer or sports team, Boy/Girl Scouts, school, church? Well, actually, the 1st organization all of us joined is our house. And on this organizational setting, we learned how you can "be" - the best way to act, react and connect to authority figures, peers, and outsiders and how to create roles for ourselves amassing knowledge and skills we might later bring to our universe, and the realm of work.
Psychology, neuroscience and brain research increasingly more conclude the patterns of behavior and roles we learned as children stay with us throughout life. Like it or otherwise, we bring our purposes - our biography and our biology - to the life at work, in your own home and at play. check my reference of these roles and patterns are visible; however, many are invisible, operating while on an unconscious level, frequently "blind spots" and, as often as not, cause us and others upset, unhappiness and discontent.
Visible roles we learned as children are, for instance: the athlete, the clown, the large shot, the goddess, the actress, the strong type, the bimbo, etc. Just consider the daily news, magazines, TV offerings as well as work for real-life examples of adults who mastered the roles they identified with as children and today engage in dutifully as adults. These are roles we could see and touch.
Invisible roles are unconscious and contain certain assumptions, expectations, and emotions. While families tend not to speak outright about them, they have got an unspoken agreement that they're what they are and affirm them by how they indirectly respond to them. Such invisible roles include: the bright one, the funny one, the gorgeous one, the weak one, the incorrigible one, "brainy" one, the great one, the compliant one, etc. Each of these roles comes with it's expectations and rules based on how one is to try out out, e.g., be a straight-A student, be popular, make everyone laugh, be a troublemaker, continue with the rules, please everyone, etc. It's the unconscious, invisible roles that induce us a great deal upset and difficulty inside our adult lives. This role and pattern dynamic is true for many families.
All of life, even life at the job, is about relationships. At work, in truth, it's our managing others that produces us and others the most pain, upset and conflict. And, the interesting note is that it isn't really about the one else so much because it is about who in your workplace reminds us individuals original family. So, at the office, we play our roles even as we learned how when we were children.
Consider:
For example, when you have a conflict at the office and someone is loud and angry, would you shout more noticable to produce your point, or go silent and search away and feel defeated or deflated, or customize the subject, or make light with the situation and say something funny?
Or, if you will find there's meeting to talk about possibilities of future downsizing during this economic downturn, would you email your coworkers or HR with your ideas of how to handle employees during the process, or immediately cancel your family's vacation plans, or promise your key employees you'll have them whatever, or form friends and head off to management and blame them for their greedy ways in which led to the downsizing, or speak to and tell your coworkers you'll back him/her regardless of what and do what she s/he wants you to definitely do?
Or, because of a previous commitment, your manager wants you to definitely speak with a national meeting by 50 % weeks because she's unavailable. What can you think? Ah, this can allow me to assume more power? Or, I'll feign illness and have out of it. Or, why do I always have to be the main one to go? Or, I'm really busy so I'll get somebody else to organize the presentation.
Why do everyone doesn't act or react the same way? Simple. Family history and pattern development.
Each from the responses in the above situations reflects a pattern an action pattern and/or a thought pattern. And, as importantly, these reactions aren't "one-off" patterns." They will arise time and again in similar situations.
Some examples (there are several) of learned pattern behaviors that report up in the way we react at the office are:
The victim - the consummate complainer; pessimistic; feels disrespected, inadequate and fearful; quiet and withdrawn; avoids folks they view as highly competent; suppress feelings of incompetence; must be rescued; allies with victims; avoids conflict; feels put upon; dislikes being managed; often gets sick; creates and re-creates unhappy settings;
The clown - extrovert; diverts attention with jokes and loud, witty, often sarcastic, offensive and embarrassing comments and one-liners; trivial experts; always adding their two cents; considered bozos, jokers, smart-asses, motormouths;
The over-achiever - must master everything they do-to the purpose of obnoxiousness; must look picture-perfect; needs the "best" and "latest" of other nutritional foods; chooses "success" over "happiness," needs special treatment; self-absorbed; resents criticism in all forms; must be right among others to be wrong; generally untrustworthy;
The persecutor - bullies; has to control, micromanage; exhibits verbal contempt persons; puts others down with offhand remarks or harsh criticism; views others as weak; admires other bullies; unfeeling; has to feel important; needs to dominate and turn into the midst of attention; should maintain a "most important person" status; sometimes a loudmouth; sometimes quiet and subtle; likes seeing others fail; withholds information;
The pleaser - can't cope with reality; fearful that belongs to them honest emotions; quiet; avoids conflict at any cost; rarely offer opinions; needs to easily fit into; self-conscious; afraid of disapproval; always apologizing and saying "I'm sorry," chameleon; talks a fantastic game; plays it safe; results don't match words; likes being micromanaged; can't make decisions; passive aggressive; hidden anger;
For almost all us, these patterns - our patterns - the ones we learned as children, are unconsciously and invisibly embedded in your cells, our brains and inside our emotional bodies. These patterns represent who were. They give us comfort along with a a sense peace while confronting stressful, challenging and trying times, events and circumstances and drive the way we communicate with others. They are self-fulfilling prophecies, and unless we've got done the work to create the invisible, visible, we'll continue to react the same way over and over again on this job or any other job, in this relationship or any other relationship, on this or another similar circumstance, often wondering what pushed out buttons or why we reacted the way in which we did.
Only by working to generate the unconscious, conscious, can we commence to see our self-limiting, self-destructive and self-sabotaging patterns and work to transform them into healthier plus much more productive methods for being so we can easily be with individuals, events and circumstances, which heretofore caused us stress, pain and suffering, and experience a good a sense OK-ness and well-be-ing.
One way to do this exploratory tasks are to invest serious, reflective time looking at our past, our history becoming an adult in us our experiences which formed us generating us who we are. The expression, "I wasn't born yesterday" is quite apt in this situation. The decisions we make today, our choices and our reactions to today's people, events and circumstances are not "inside the moment," for nearly all us but you are actually "tape replays" of experiences we lived as children.
While today's events, characters and players are different from our childhood, our inner emotional, psychological, physiological and neurological wiring and reactions usually are not. Only once we consciously decide to explore and inquire into our past for that events, traumas, hurts, betrayals, emotions, and values which have determined who were, and confront them head-on, with honesty and courage, could we become aware of the recurring themes and patterns which cause us while others with whom we relate, a great deal upset and unhappiness.
A few aspects of exploration, and some initial questions that can help your inquiry are:
Health - What was the health of your loved ones like? How was sickness or illness viewed? What did your household believe about illness? How were sick family looked after? Was illness denied? Did folks obsess about sickness or illness. Did sick people feel courageous or like "victims?" Did they persevere or stop trying? What about addictions?
Money - What role has money played in your household? Did folks misuse money? What was financial security like? Do you mention money with you spouse or partner? Do you need financial support? Do you support others financially? What's your credit like?
Relationship - Was/is your household close or disengaged derived from one of another? What is your relationship with all your family members of origin? What beliefs or messages have you hear about people while you were we were young? How did your household handle guilt, fear, denial, and shame? Are there "family secrets" which might be still affecting you and your loved ones relationships?
Work - Was accomplishment rewarded and if so, how? How did folks gain attention as well as their "identity?" Who at work reminds you of your household either physically, emotionally, or perhaps relation to their roles? Can you view your patterns of success or failure at the office? What thoughts and messages did you hear about "work" while you were maturing? Do you view be: fun, creative, or burdensome?
Spirituality - How did you build a relationship with "the spiritual " i.e., an increased power, God, religion, spirituality? Was a religious practice or affiliation important because you were growing up? Does religion or spirituality affect your lifetime: marriage, parenting, self-esteem, sexuality, and familial responsibilities or loyalties? Does all your family members observe rituals of celebration and connection (meals, rituals around coming all night, couple rituals)? Was anyone in all your family members particularly spiritual? How so? What negative or positive messages did you hear/receive about spiritual beliefs and practices?
(Other areas you could possibly consider are: personal environment and organization, health and wellness, friends, personal development, play and recreation, and intimacy.)
So, it's really no surprise that in our life at the office, in your own home, at play plus relationship, we more often than not are acting out our childhood patterns and roles. It's not surprising that we unconsciously place overlays of our house members on to the colleagues, bosses and managers at work, on to your spouse or partner in your own home and on to our friends, neighbors among others at play. It's natural and normal, but often self-destructive and self-sabotaging both to us and to our relationships.
It's quite normal, then, to witness workplace (or home or "playground") arguments that resemble family arguments, disagreement and conflict. It's not unusual to experience dysfunctional relationships in the workplace with in-fighting and back-stabbing behavior that mimic sibling rivalries.
When we choose to undertake personal growth and self-awareness work, then we discover the way we have arrive at behave inside ways we do, the way we chose to experience the roles and wear the masks to disguise our feelings of lack, inadequacy, or guilt or shame. In essence look for the "shadow side" in our personalities. As Jungian analyst Robert Johnson says, "There's gold within the shadow" and that the discovery and mining of the gold is "related to your higher calling" our True, Real and Authentic Self - where we could shed the defensive roles and patterns of, as an example, the "victim, "clown," "over-achiever, "persecutor," and "pleaser" to become replaced with the "True and Real" me.
When we discover who we truly are, we offered to the possibility of emotional, psychological and spiritual maturity - the entranceway for the place the place that the "truth sets one free." We can available to the opportunity of being real, a state where we all experience lightness of being and we've got no need for defensiveness, grandiosity, avoidance, denial or fake and phony self-destructive and self-sabotaging role behavior.
Sometimes your way backwards is worth taking. This is one of those times.
So, some questions for self-reflection are:
·How would you cope with conflict in the office, at home, at play? ·Do folks at work remind you of all your family members of origin in any way? Do personality conflicts remind you of your parents or siblings? ·Do you ever take part in the role and exhibit patterns in the "victim," "clown," "over-achiever," persecutor," and "pleaser?" Or other roles? ·Do you generally take things personally? What would your friends and colleagues say? ·Did you ever research your history to determine your purpose in what you are? How do you feel whenever you consider this question? ·Do you know who your authentic self is? How do you know?
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