Notes

Hello Ryu.
I wrote this a few days ago, but I decided to send it now.
I think we will just keep repeating our own thoughts but in different forms. Like the idea how we share quite a lot. To be honest, i wanted to leave it at that. To just end it there. It kind of felt like an ending letter, which was sad actually. But something kept nagging inside me, something to let it out before we stop sending letters. I can not put my finger on it, but i suppose I would like to have the feeling like i have truly finished from this. I have sort of gotten used to contemplating and slowly writing during my usual hours (12am-2am) to you. Perhaps it is because whenever it is my turn to answer, it is constantly at the back of my mind. Like figuring out how to begin or how to puzzle out the piece of writing that i am supposed to do. I might have said this before but i like that excitement quite a lot, specially how we understand each other without having to explain in a detailed way. That is a sort of skill that i have developed with time, to fathom people without them mentioning anything. You, also, said that in the previous letter that you had sent. How we become attached to people who we are so capable of comprehending their emotions easily and even better than they, themselves, do and that often makes us extremely attached to them. I do not think i wish to be oblivious to it though, take it as a bless, to realise secret patterns or clues or even change of attitude. We feel things very deeply and that is both good and bad. That is why i try my hard not to get attached either, perhaps there is no way to literally stop attachments because the memories remain fresh inside our minds; unless if you grow to dislike the people you are friending. We work according to our emotions and as well as our brains. I think it is rather okay to become attached, for some people are worthy of our pain and disturbance . At the end though, we will always have ourselves...alone.

You are right, we are not building anything. It is in not your nature, it is in the cruel design of fate's nature. It intends to make great or amazing people slowly evanesce from each other. Maybe it is looking far into the future is what crushes the pleasure of the present. Do not blame your dominant or sadistic part, we all have terrifying, dark parts. Such as mine, I have an immense obsession with blood, the colour and scene of it is just fascinating to me. I walk away from people often or rapidly. I am a very turbulent person, i've experienced many sort of dishonesty from people that I might actually ruin someone's life if they betray me. Should i go on about this? I will add one more. I am quite cynical. Cynical but mostly skeptical. People who will leave you because of the appearance of your egregious part know very little about life. Or friended you for trivial reasons. Or perhaps, having not being attached the same way you are attached to them, so they end up leaving easily.

I keep my inner self locked away inside a cage, and take it out for people in times of emoting. Like it is now, between you and I . But as i said before, only for selective people. That was a weighty sentence actually: "Isn't that all it takes to be remarkable in this era where everyone is too consumed by shallowness?" It is, indeed, not that easy. You have observed in my previous letter how difficult it is to expose something with the risk of having you think freaky of me. Gladly, you have not! I do not think you are freaky either, how can i anyway? As for the knowing oneself's part, you are also right. Maybe there is something i haven't discovered yet, i hope there is. Surprising ourselves you said? That has made me giggle for an unknown reason. I don't have it in me to be surprised by my own self anymore. I think it is because i have grown to become careless to the consequences that might acquire due to my actions. If i will discover something new about myself then it might be something i have already knew but has evolved into something else. I do not usually predict, i usually consider all possibilities before concocting to a certain opinion or conclusion.

5;10 pm.
Expecting a 4th one or not, i already wrote a respond. It is sad to say this, but i decided, when i first read your previous letter, that i will make my response my last one. As i wrote, i began to repeal from my decision but i think it is for the greater good to end this early.

5:27pm.
So this is my ending letter. I like it more to tell you rather than making it indirect. I will miss this....in a way. You will linger through my thoughts every now and then. I have never experienced such thing before. Perhaps i will keep these letter in some place, incase i would like to go through them again. This seems as if i am ending a long life friendship! Excuse my dramatic way, I am only expressing myself. Maybe i view it bigger than it really is? I don't know. I'd like you to respond back to this, so that both of us had made "ending letters" And likewise, you are also remarkable. Remarkable is a very big word!

I will not say thank you then, i will not even use the word "goodbye" I'd rather not think of this as something final.

See ya, Ryu.
Lee.