Notes

Another day meant another day of making the songs on HIM's next album. Only recently did the band finally get their perfect producer, and now they were at their peak of creativity and workmanship. The band was past their previous struggles of bad mixing and cheap studio equipment, and now that the album was finally recorded, Ville and their producer were on their way home from London to complete their next task of mixing.

Ville's throat burned as he lit another cigarette, his eyes fluttering closed as he blew smoke from his lungs. He just got out of the taxi that brought him to his neighborhood, and now he would walk home to have a drink or two, sleep, and get back to the studio the next morning to start the process of finalizing each track of Goth'n'Roll; that is, if there's no distraction from his mental plan, anyway. He started walking to his house, his dark clothing causing him to blend into the dark environment of the Finnish night.

Crickets chirped as he made his way down the dimly lit sidewalk, his head leaning back as he exhaled smoke. He was in his own little world as he strolled, for he wasn't paying attention to anything but where he was headed and what was on his mind; and to be honest, he was thinking about seeing his bandmates tomorrow, for he missed all of them dearly, but only Juska was the one he genuinely missed when he was in London these past few weeks. Especially after about a month ago, Ville had been questioning what he really felt for that man, because the kiss they shared was definitely more than just a friendly goodbye.

He saw his house in the distance and he sighed in relief, for he was starting to grow a little tired from walking the streets of Munkkiniemi for so long. But a buzz began to sound from his pocket, causing him to stop and slip his hand to grab the small device that was causing the noise. It was Juska calling him, which was unusual because of how late it was at night. Ville raised an eyebrow just a bit, his finger pressing the small button on his flip phone to answer the incoming call, his hand then bringing the phone to his ear to hear. "Juska? Is everything okay?"

“Oh, yeah, of course! I'm sorry, is this a bad time?" Juska asked, his hand buried in his cat's black fur as he stroked it slowly, his inner cheek becoming clamped in between his teeth. He didn't mean to bother Ville, but he knew from the other members that he'd be home now, and he wanted to make sure everything was alright. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything.."

“I'm just on my way home, no need to worry, darling," Ville reassured as he started walking again, his lungs emptying of the tense air they held just a moment ago. A little smile came to his lips as he wondered, "Why did you call?” while he glanced down at his feet as he walked.

“Uh..” Juska stuttered, his breathing coming to a halt for a moment. His head turned so that his neck cracked, the man obviously becoming rather stressed; no, it wasn’t stress, but maybe nervousness? There was quite a bit on his mind, and it had been since Ville left for London — it shouldn’t be normal for his heart to flutter every time he thought of the singer, but that was the case for him, and he needed to let go of that tension one way or another. A little cough from clearing his throat arose before Juska began to speak again, “I was wondering if you wanted to go for coffee again tomorrow? Before we go back to the studio..”

Ville was taken by surprise by his question; he could never deny a cup of coffee, and he could also never deny a trip somewhere with Juska, anyway. The man stepped up to his porch and sat down on the rail, taking a drag of his cigarette again before he looked up at the clear night sky and finally answering Juska’s question. “Oh, I’d absolutely love that, Juska,” he sincerely answered, a little chuckle coming from him, too. “What time shall we meet there? Any time sounds good to me, so you can decide.”

“How about nine?” Juska suggested, his fingers slowly slipping from his cat’s back as he stood up from his sofa. Now that their plan was being made, he knew he had to head to bed instead of staying up walking through nature or writing his own music, so he needed to get ready for bed once the call ended. He didn’t even know if he’d be able to sleep, anyway — his excitement for the next morning was through the roof already.

“Nine sounds great!” Ville agreed as he listened to the movement on Juska’s side of the call. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.. goodnight, Ville,” the keyboardist softly replied, disconnecting from the call and switching his bathroom light on to look at himself in the mirror; he needed to force himself to groom himself down and then go to bed, because if he didn’t, he would be too busy thinking about Ville to actually get any rest for tomorrow.

Ville felt the same way, although he was much more self-controlled — the singer gently put his cigarette out against the porch rail and then got down to head inside. He flung off his black jacket and he sighed again, but this time of innocent tension rather than relief. Something seemed a little different about this offer for a trip to the local cafe, but he just couldn’t figure out what.

Ville stepped into the cafe at 9:00 sharp, his eyes glancing around to find where Juska was sitting. He knew that the keyboardist would be there early, because all the times they went out somewhere together before, he’d been there at least half an hour early. The cafe was already bustling with the regulars, and also new customers, as the scent of freshly brewed coffee gently lingered in the comfortably warm air. The old clock hung against the pale green walls chirped to mark the start of the new hour to add to the sounds of small talk and casual chatter among the other people there for their morning coffee.

Ville's look stopped at a corner of the cafe, where Juska was already comfortable with two cups of coffee on the table. The singer smiled, his legs quickly moving to make his way over to sit. “Good morning, Juska..” he greeted as he took off his jacket and set it aside himself in the opposite booth.

“Good morning, Ville!” Juska happily replied, the brightest of grins on his face as he looked at the man now sitting in front of him. “I ordered your coffee the way you always do, I hope that’s what you wanted today..”

“Awe.. thank you, sweetheart,” Ville bashfully thanked, returning the smile as he gently took a sip of his coffee. “How have you been? My trip was.. uneventful, besides the studio time with John and whatnot.”

“I missed you so much, if I’m being honest.” Juska sipped on his coffee, too, as he leaned back into the booth cushion and relaxed. “I’m glad you’re home, because I was.. worried about you.” He blushed a little when he realized what he said, his gaze quickly turning to stare elsewhere as the embarrassment flushed over him; he really just said that, especially on this very day to make it worse for himself.

“Oh, really?” Ville questioned, a teasing giggle slipping from his lips before noticing how anxious Juska got so fast. “I think that’s so thoughtful, I truly do appreciate it..”

“Really?” Juska asked in surprise as he looked at Ville again. He drank more of his coffee to calm his nerves before he continued, “Tell me about London, how was it?”

Ville lightly raised an eyebrow the same way he did the previous night; he could tell that Juska was getting nervous and wanted to change the topic, so he only went with it and started to talk about his trip. A while passed as Ville rambled about the UK, the mixing that he and their producer did that was hardly even acceptable in their standards, and the few places they visited while they were there. He seemed to be lost in thought as he went on about the last few weeks, and his creativity sparked in his storytelling as he emphasized the most interesting bits of his journey.

Juska finished his cup as he listened to Ville, finding himself to be mesmerized by everything he was saying. Was this the right time to admit what was on his mind to the person he cared about most? The keyboardist was having that inner debate as Ville wrapped up his story, the other male sighing as he finally finished what he was saying.

“Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry,” Ville apologized, his face turning a light pink as he sheepishly giggled. “I got a little carried away, didn’t I?”

“No, not at all,” Juska reassured with a smile, his fingertips tapping against the table as he looked at Ville’s own hands. Softly, he asked, “Can I.. talk to you about something, though?”

The singer let out a murmured, "Hm?" as he heard what his best friend said, his smile curiously fading as he wondered what was up for a needed discussion between them. "Yeah, of course you can, darling," he answered, "What is it?"

Juska gulped, his hand moving to set aside his empty cup before both of his palms encased Ville's, their hands being held together in the center of the table in front of them. Both of their hearts briefly stopped, but the keyboardist's forehead began to bead with sweat as he desperately attempted to pull together just a few effective words to get his honest point across. His fingers wrapped around Ville's, their warmth heating up the other man quite fast. This was the moment Juska had been thinking about for months now, and he wasn't willing to let this opportunity slip by once again.

"Ville.. we've known each other for so long now and, I.. I think it'd be best if you know this now rather than never." He brought his head up so that their eyes locked in place with each other, his declining confidence truly wishing he got the hint by now. Quietly, he continued, "I.. love you."

Ville, who was frozen in place, chuckled in disbelief. "You.. love me? Juska, are you telling me..-?"

It was obvious that both of them were utterly surprised by each other, and Juska could only progress the conversation by saying, "Yes, Ville, I mean exactly what I said. I've had these feelings since.. a few months ago, if I remember correctly."

"Would it be a surprise if I said I love you, too?" Ville asked, his heart fluttering in relaxation after he realized that, in fact, this wasn't another joke or a teasing romantic gesture like the other previous hundred that came over the last year that they knew each other. The singer was lost in the moment, and his light-hearted facial expression of dear joy and sheepishness supported that so well.

"Heh.. I knew that we had something, but neither of us had really mentioned it until now, so.." the keyboardist added as his thumbs gently rubbed Ville's hands in comforting circular motions. "Please.. may we go out together, officially..?"

"As boyfriends?" the singer enthusiastically remarked. "Oh, darling.. I'd never say no to that, especially coming from you." He put a little emphasis on the 'you' in his sentence, a little smirk forming at the corner of his lips as he softly laughed. He went silent for a brief moment as he watched Juska, chortling at the sight he got. "You're blushing, Juska."

"S-.. Sorry," Juska quickly responded, using the excuse of throwing his empty cup away to hide himself for a minute. Inside, he was genuinely panicking, not that he would be able to completely hide it, anyway — Ville Valo was now his boyfriend, which was something he had dreamed of for years before even meeting him in the first place. He cleared his throat as he brought a nervous smile to his face, moving to stand beside the booth where Ville still was and offer the same loving hand to him once again. "We should probably head out to the studio now, right..?"

Ville glanced at the old clock on the cafe wall and lightly gasped. "Shit, yeah, we should get going," he agreed as he quickly stood up, grabbing ahold of Juska's hand and smiling down at him with an even softer look than all of the other times before. "Let's not be late again, yeah?"

"Of course not," Juska nodded, his own grin softening with genuineness as he and his boyfriend left the coffee shop.

A little while later, Ville and Juska walked up to the front of their studio, and they both took a little sigh of relief that they got there in time before it was past the band's scheduled time slot. "It was quite a walk, wasn't it?" Ville breathily commented with a small chuckle, standing still for a moment to properly catch his breath.

Juska stood beside him, knowing that he had asthma and allowing him to relax to prevent any potential attacks. "Yeah, it really was," he replied with his own laugh, his arm gently moving to bring his hand to Ville's back. Slowly, his fingers rubbed against the sensitive skin there, in hopes to soothe and comfort him the best he could. "Are you okay?" the keyboardist asked just to be sure, his eyes scanning the man's entire body for a sense of security and also out of admiration.

"Oh, yeah.. thank you," Ville hummed as he pulled out his pack of cigarettes, ironically, placing one of the cigs in his mouth as his hand fished in his back pocket for a lighter.

Juska simply watched him in shock, an innocent laugh following his surprise before he asked, "Can I.. borrow one..?"

"You don't even have to ask, sweetheart," Ville murmured, although his speech was slightly muffled by his lips holding the cigarette in place; his fingers grabbed an extra cig and placed it in Juska's mouth when prompted, then lighting it with the lighter he finally got ahold of shortly afterward.

Both of the men took a drag of their cigarettes, exhaling it up into the previously clean air that surrounded them from above. After a small moment, Ville placed his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it to extinguish it from its burning; Juska did the same, just before they began to head inside of the studio.

Ville stopped at the door, though, and so did his partner in reaction; the singer then grabbed him and pulled him in for a loving, passionate kiss, just like the one they shared a bit over a month ago on the walkway to Ville's house. Ville hummed as he pulled away, looking at Juska with a joyful glisten in his eyes. "Remember that one, Juska?"

Juska was star-struck once again, for he only stuttered a quiet, "Y- Yeah.. God, I love your lips.." He couldn't process another kiss from his new partner just yet, especially because of how in love he truly was with him.

The singer simply smiled in return, "That won't be the last of them.. I love you." And with that, he opened the door and started heading inside.

"I.. heh, I love you too, Ville," the keyboardist softly whispered in response, just before following his lover into the studio, but for the first time with this new outlook on the band; he had no idea how all of this would affect the group aspect of their work, but he was willing to find out soon enough.