Notes

Hello Moriya.

Oh my God, wow, I honestly don’t know where to start, because I never for one second thought, that that would actually work. But when I say that I’m glad it did, I am making a massive understatement.

Now, bear in mind, that while I write this, I am writing, thinking that I won’t get a reply (hope as hell that’s not the case), so it’s a little strange, but nevertheless, at least I can unload my head a little. It’s funny though, how when something you wished for such a long time finally becomes true, you can’t help but question your every move.

I have so many questions for you, I have so many things to say to you, to discuss with you… Since last time we spoke, you have no idea how much has happened in my life, it feels like 10 years. However, through every step of the way, you never once left my mind. Every once in a while, I would wonder how you were doing, how you were feeling, if you saw the latest news, the latest movie… if you’d like the song that I was listening, if I’d played it for you. And whenever something good happened, wishing I could share the happiness with you. But I never want to be a bother, I hate being or feeling like that, so for a while, I never intended to contact you. But only for a while, of course. After around four or five months, I sat behind my laptop, and wrote a huge email. Like, pages long. For you. I poured my heart into it. But I didn’t send it. Something was building up, I missed you too much, so I just said, “What the hell, I’ll contact her”. But, as cowards like myself tend to be, I got scared, and I never sent it. Few months passed by, I’ve met some interesting people, saw some cool scenes, but none of them as interesting as you. I’ve learned a lot. I saw a lot. But everytime I did, you weren’t there to tell you about it, so it wasn’t the same. Also, I had a dream. So, I sat down and wrote another email. That one was even longer. I wrote it in the morning, but before clicking ‘X’, I left it there. Went on with my day, and told myself, I’ll send it in the evening. And I did. But the system told me that the email is no longer active or something, so it was never delivered. As sad as I was, there was this feeling that I had, that there is just no way that I will never see you again, or at least hear from you.

I don’t even know what I just wrote so far, I’ll have to re-read it for mistakes, because my mind is all over right now, trying to pick my words carefully, questioning if I should add that, or delete this. But at least I know the point that I’m trying to say, and the point is that I have missed you more than you could think of, for longer than you could imagine.

I had another dream few nights ago. About you. But I let it slide. Oh, and btw, I’m living in Los Angeles now. For specific goals and reasons. I moved here in August after my graduation, which was in May. I’ve been busy with a lot of stuff, but I’m not gonna dwell on that now, in the next email (see what I did there?) :) But anyway, I let it slide for a few days, thinking it would pass, that is, my mind being tied up in knots, tangled up with thoughts about you. But it didn’t. So, I looked you up and there you were, not to my surprise, more beautiful than ever, on twitter. You should add me on Facebook. Or am I asking too much lol?

I honestly, genuinely want to know how you are, if you are ok, and how life is treating you at the moment, but most importantly… if you are happy. Well, who is ever happy? Happiness lasts for a few minutes when something breathtakingly amazing happens (like you following me, me writing and knowing you’ll read this), and then you’re back to either being content, or not. So, I hope that you are content. And at peace. With anything, and everything. And I wonder what you current desires are. Wishes. Hopes. What was the last joke that you found funny…

I’m assuming you’re in Vegas. My co-worker drove there and stayed for the weekend. He was telling me how it was, and all I could think about was, if maybe, he saw a glimpse of you, just walking on the street, without even realizing that he just saw the most special person that there is.

Oscars are gonna be in about a month or so. I wonder if you still watch all the nominated movies, and then judge them by yourself? I hope you are. If not, I will. And I hope I’ll get to tell you if the winner deserved to win.

I read this interview a while ago and for some reason, it bothered me very much when I read it, but I didn’t want to discuss it with anybody than you, it was about this musician I don’t even know, but he said something along the lines, “I wish I would live in the 60s, so much was happening back then, with the civil rights, and the war and whatnot, so there was so much to write about.” As in lyrics. What an idiot. Or maybe he’s just blind. Just because you can’t write, doesn’t mean there’s nothing to write about. There’s always something to write about. Or someone. Am I right, or am I right? :)

Honestly, I could go on forever. So, I’ll stop here. It pains me that after I’m gonna click ‘Send’, I will immediately remember something that I forgot to say here, and it will probably be something I wanted to say for a long time… I also know that I will be dwelling into this the entire night, thinking, “I shouldn’t have said that, or I should have said that”, but such is life. In the end, it’s all about the feel, and the energy that you make others feel. So, no matter what I just wrote, I hope you will at least sense the feels of it, which are ones of admiration, love, and hopes of your well inner-being. And of course missing you.

Alright, I’m beginning to sound like those people back in my country, where they just stand at the door, and keep saying goodbye for hours, and you just wanna tell them, either sit down and stay longer, or get the hell out lol. With that being said, if you do not reply, then I want to take the opportunity to say that I miss you, I love you, and I want you to know that I always hope you’re happy and in a good mood, no matter what or who brought you that happiness. And if you do reply, hopefully, then, well… have you heard of any good songs lately? :)