Notes

Managing Conflict - Hollywood Style!
No less than Cecil B. DeMille or Martin Scorcese, you enter handle of the movie called "Your Life".
Your parents were the initial producers, but now you are the boss. You have been in handle of contract negotiations, script rewrites, casting, and directing. Here are a few methods for resolving conflicts and disputes in person.
SHOOTOUT AT THE OK CORRAL (emphasis on OK) Bugsy Malone is often a "gangster" movie where all the characters are kids as well as the machine guns consist of marshmallows. If you and your partner or colleague really need a showdown, load your guns with marshmallows. And set these rules to protect the cast from injury:
Limit the scene. This is really a discussion about one subject. Stick to that subject.
Know your line ... a definite concept of this issue (what's on your mind), your feelings about it, and what resolution you want. Dialogue: "Let me show you what are you doing with me at night. I'm feeling/concerned about ___, and what I'd like is____."
This approach points your finger at you, not your partner, so does not invite defensiveness and escalation.
Take five. If tempers are escalating, call a short Time Out. You are not abandoning each other, just having a break to get charge of your reactions and turn them into responses.
Respect another player. Be kind. You probably cast each other since you liked the other.
HEAD 'EM OFF AT THE PASS! In old Westerns the sheriff cried, "This way, boys! We'll head 'em off at the pass!" The posse cut across, through or around, and sure enough, headed the unhealthy guys off.
You can do the same thing with conflicts which are not necessary. Your early warning system tells you once your Bad Guys are gathering inside. You feel irritable, defensive, hair-triggered.
Anger, like some drugs, puts you into your lizard brain. Here are a few methods for you to stay with your higher power in cognition and character.
1. Know your cues. We all have pet peeves or recurring situations that have a tendency to put us in the edge. Maybe it's getting dressed (about to catch a morning person), or drive-time traffic. Be aware of your mood and remain willing to respond rather than react.
2. Make those role transitions. Find what works to maneuver you one role (job, work-out, whatever) to another (playful parent, loving spouse). Give yourself to be able to decompress between one pressure and also the next.
Anger is like a tea kettle; when it is about to boil, you should miss the heat and chill out.
Costume changes. For some people, just changing uniforms is sufficient gear-shifting. Off with the pin-strip. e or uniform, lets start work on the shorts and sandals or perhaps the sweats. Off with the pantyhose, on with the jeans.
Background music. In movies you'll be able to tell by music cues when changes are about to occur. In real life, pick the music you understand can assist you set the mood you desire.
Action! Change your activity, change your attitude. Exercise, swim, take a walk -- they all are good methods for blowing off steam.
Stuntperson. If you just aren't up to the duty, hand them back to your partner, using the understanding that you may be his / her stand-in as needed.
3. Stop action. We've all seen the science fiction movie or drama by which all of the characters are in freeze-frame except the hero, who are able to walk among them. It's a stop-the-world moment. You are capable of doing that -- just install an imaginary Pause Button in the palm of the hand. Press it if you feel irritation or defensiveness start to rise inside. You produce a breathing space that permits you to to select the following behavior, not be at the mercy of a classic script published by your seething or martyred Unconscious.
4. Breathe. Take a couple of deep breaths and exhale slowly. Now count down from 10 to 1, telling yourself that with each descending number you will get calmer plus more relaxed.
5. Big Deal Scale. On a scale of 1 to 10, how large an agreement is a slight speed bump on the roadway of life? Which is more valuable, getting another thing checked off your list, or going for a short while to try out with your kids or perhaps your guitar? Go on, warm up a can of soup and spread a sandwich instead of creating a Big Production Number.
6. Character motivation. If see this got a habit of being defensive, remind yourself that somebody's remark or action probably wasn't in regards to you personally. You may be the star of the show, but you aren't the middle of the universe.
7. Quiet for the set! Sometimes your irritable mood just won't disappear, in which case you should (a) educate spouse and children it isn't about them, and (b) let them have fair warning to give you some space. Remember the Bette Davis line in All About Eve, "Fasten your seatbelts, kids, it's gonna be a bumpy ride."
Follow these Hollywood rules and you'll get participating in less conflict, and once you DO engage, it will be swift and less painful than your old way.
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