Notes

I can think of a thousand reasons why I don't believe in you.
It's 9/22/2021, 10:27 PM and I'm on my bed. I'm very tired. I'm not sleepy, I'm just tired. I feel drained, numb. Someone else is most likely reading this through another screen, hello. You must be just as bored as I am. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate school, I hate my house, I hate my roommates, at this point only I can comfort myself. My stepdad forces me to call him "dad", and forces me to hug him. His presence makes me extremely uncomfortable. Almost as if he's always watching me, always aware of me. Whenever I don't listen to his rules he takes my phone. Most of the time because I defend myself. I tend to laugh now. It's not funny, I just like pissing him off. Angering him is like a massage to my humor. I finished watching all of the Twighlight movies. I miss it already, it's one of my favorites now. My headphones hardly work, it angers me. I can only hear from my left earbud. My shoulders hurt, cause of the position I'm in. But writing is like therapy, except I don't have to be in the awkward presence of someone else. Today I killed my plant. It was already dying, I couldn't stand the stress of watching leaves fall off one by one. I took it out of the soil, cleaned it, placed it on my desk, surrounded it with crystals, and lit a candle. It was actually quite peaceful. Tomorrow I'm going to bury it and surround it with salt. I want it to feel protected, at peace. I'm going to begin focusing on myself. School is stressful, and so is "home". I need to distract myself. Who knows, maybe it'll work this time.
Right now, the only person I can really talk to is you. I most likely don't know who you are, but simply listening helps. Grammarly says I sound very "Dissaproving" and "Sad". It's kind of funny. At this point, I find everything funny. Because people tend to take this seriously as if it actually mattered. But it's okay, people cope with life differently. I act like I don't care, like nothing matters. But in reality, I'm aware of almost everything and I tend to overthink a lot. I cope with it by pretending, roleplay. I romanticize my life, only to make it actually seem interesting. Maybe I am acting depressed, but I'm in 7th grade, what else would you expect. I know I'm being overdramatic, but at least I get everything out of my head and lock it up somewhere else. My mother gave me a book, it's titled, "We" and it's about self-improvement. It's actually quite interesting, and very motivating. I'm beginning to grow sleepy. My eyelids are starting to get heavy. Maybe I should try getting some sleep. Okay, I guess I'll end it here. It was nice of you to read this, goodnight.