Hey there Ashley. Before I go into the true meaning of all this, I’d just. Like to say a few things, before I do so. Ashley... I hate it when you doubt yourself. I just, I do.. I know, I know.. Everyone’s going to feel down, everyone’s going to have their rough days.. But you, you’re just full of so much amazing qualities, and you don’t even notice it, and that.. I just, I almost can’t bare it, regardless of my status with you. You’re literally perfection. And I don’t care what your response may be to this, I don’t care what others say, I don’t care what happens to me, anything. It all means next to nothing to me, when put in comparison to this. So without further ado. Ashley, you’re the most caring girl I’ve ever met for christ’s sake. I don’t say that because you’re my ex, or I’m trying to be nice, or I’m writing a letter. I do this because you deserve to think highly of yourself, to deserve to see yourself as more than just someone who makes others happy, because you’re not just that. You yourself, are a human capable of so much, so many feats, in just the smallest of days. You have so many things going your way, so many qualities that make up the amazingness that you are.. You’re sweet beyond words, love. Honestly, truly. No joke. You’re always so patient with people in need, so willing to give out a helping hand, not to feel better about yourself, but to simply just give off help. Like I see you do with all the people you love, you could be feeling terrible, just straight up, destroyed. But hell, you’re still pushing, helping them like nothing went wrong at all. Do you know how much I’ve grown up wanting to be like that, wanting to help others, and not have my own issues hinder myself in that process? How much I simply thought.., it was impossible.. It was impossible for a human to be this heartfelt, so dedicated.. Alas, I found this all in you. And yes, of course, I’d never forget.. Dedicated. Sure as hell you are this, you’ve got to be completely kidding me if you didn’t agree, if anyone.. Just, I see you.. When something’s gone wrong, when an injustice has been done. When someone is left hurting, you turn to the bottom of the situation, and you do everything in your power, you never give up, you never turn down, you never call it quits.. God Ashley, do you know the world we live in? Some people care less for people, some people like to fight everyone on their own, live in their own bubble, deny help to others... And be alright with it. And others? Others have no problem leaving people for the silliest of reasons, and don’t care with the precautions. I hate, from the bottom of my heart.. That people can find it in them to just, leave.. Leave someone like you, and just not care.. It’s heartbreaking, because knowing you. You honestly, offer everything. You give and warm, and loving partner. You provide all you can, you never put yourself above anyone, and you’re always looking out for the people. I simply, just... Simply, cannot understand how they can leave someone who has it all, someone as great, someone as perfect as you. Even when we broke up, I couldn’t bring myself to just stop talking to you, drift away as just, well.. In general... You mean too much to me, you mean the moon and stars, you mean all the great things in my life, become to be honest, the majority of it is you. When I’m with you, when I see you. Anytime, and given moment. It’s like before, I freeze up because I don’t want to mess things up with you, I don’t want to seem all clumsy, all foolish, all silly in front of you. I always try and line up my best jokes when you’re around, it’s corny as fuck, but I don’t care. And I tell them, because seeing you smile, making you laugh.. It’s great.. I love it. I love seeing someone who’s so great, to the world, and the people around them just, enjoying themselves.. As you so very much deserve above anything else. *sigh* And sometimes when I come home, I see you’re upset, see you’re not doing too well, and everything just isn’t going your way. :/ I hate this because, I know you’d do more than everything to help me, if I was done. Or Matt, or Krista.. Or anyone who you’d be willing to.. So of course, it hurts me.. Hurts me to see your mother, especially.. I know, she’s done so much to you.. And I know you just want to escape, I honestly wish I could end it, do something, but sadly I don’t have the power to do so, but it hurts me every day knowing I can’t help you with all the pain you endure.. But you know what shocks me the most... You go through this, and have your whole life yet you’re still the most generous, loving, caring, sweet, patient, selfless, passionate, considerate, precious, respectful, intelligent, responsible, and flawless person on here, or everywhere.. At least, from who I’ve met. You still give out all you can, you still do everything in your power to support others.. And just... Wow.... Going through all this, honestly. I’ve stopped thinking of words to say, and you don’t see it but, I’m struggling to get these very words out through the screen because just... I’ve never met someone like you. I’ve never met someone who.. Finds the greatness and people, and likes to show it, and shine it out in people. Like you did in me. You looked past my flaws, you looked past what I did, and mistakes I made.. And you still call me a great person, you never gave up on me, and you still care for me. I mean, look at Angel. When we broke up, she didn’t want anything to do with me. I mean, that’s slowly changing at the moment because of sheer time, of course but.. With you, you wanted us to work past our breakup. You cared for how we faired, you still cared for me, and it meant the world and more. Trust me Ashley. It really did. It meant that beyond everything, you still found greatness in me, when honestly.. People could care less, about me, or what I do, or about just.. Anything at all.. And this is you in a daily basis. Without any second-hand consideration, any second thoughts, nothing. Just straight from the heart.. You know, from the day I met you in-game, I always... Had this feeling about you, I guess you could say.. A feeling that, something was.. different with you. You talked to others differently, you treated others differently, you.. Went about life as a whole.., in this... Way that I just. Couldn’t explain if I was in-love with, or just inspired by.. How one can out of the pureness of their heart, be so selfless. I wanted to get to know you so much, you know..You had such a wonderful personality, and I knew this just off of seeing you in game.. I didn’t care about your rank, your popularity, and all of things like that while seeing you. While of course.. Those things, I understand why you had completely. You deserved them, so much. You comforted the masses, and brought the kind of staff they deserved, no doubt about it. But, I guess none of that was really why I wanted to meet you, I guess... You sparked something in me, a sense of curiosity if you will.. I wanted to see if you in person, truly sitting down and talking to you, would prove what I thought even more you know, if you were truly as lovely as I was picking up? Surely enough, god did I realize I was right... When I sat down and had the call with just you and me that one night, not sure if you remember but.. I just, before I knew it... I had been tossed into something I could’ve barely understood at that point, it was confusing, blinding.. but most of all.... It made my heart rise. And I loved every second of it... It was honestly thrilling, and something one of a kind.. I had never gotten such a rise out of anyone, and it was just the beginning.. I can’t tell you, and simply.. Can’t express enough out of any word I type here, that I was so god damn nervous talking to you, all the time.. Hell, even with our more recent calls. I’m always nervous.. It’s just.. We could date, hell we could be married, I’d still be nervous talking to you because... What I mean to someone like you.. God. It literally means more than what you’d think, or even know.. It means more than the world, it means more than what I consider happiness... Being something that pleases you, well.. It means I make the greatest thing in this world approve of me, and I can’t be that bad of a guy if I have that happen can I? *laughs* Simply said, I adore you. I adore everything about you, every feature you carry, everything you call a flaw, I only find cuter, or making you more perfect by the second. Ashley.. I can’t find a single thing about you that’s terrible, that’s horrific, that makes you a bad person, at all.. Everything about you, I just consider amazing features.. You know, sometimes I also see you tend to just. Doubt yourself, doubt your abilities to help others, and doubt what you can do in general well.. For whenever that does happen again, or if it’s right now.. I want to say a few things about you regarding that. Ashley, who’s the one who helped me with my father? Who’s the one who said countless sweet, sweet things to me to help out, no matter how stressed I was... Those acts, every bit of it.. Whether it may have seemed like it did next to nothing in the moment, for some moments.. I’d just want you to know, they helped me. They made me feel cared for, loved.. And it did help me get by all those tough times.. In-fact, I think they’re the reason why I’ve made it this far, why I was able to get to the point where I can finally manage the strength to do the right thing, and not go down a path that would not have been the best, and the smartest.. YOU guided me, YOU took the time out of good days, and bad days. To get me through all the pain I was suffering through that man, all the stress he gave to me and to my life.. You were right by my side, proud and strong.. Through thick and thin.. All my life, I’ve had him... Sorry heh, I’m kinda crying here as I write this, so my thoughts are going to be a bit scrabbled uhhh, hehh. Oh god I can’t focus, and lord can’t tell you how nervous I am writing this for you.. Just... I can’t focus thinking, or being around you.. I mean, you might not understand this at the moment but. All those moments I said in BH, ‘going afk’, ‘brb’, and all that? I did it to write you this letter, but still get to spend time with you because god damn... You’re just that amazing. So next time you’re feeling down, and just doubting yourself as a whole.. Please, if you ever, and I mean ever find yourself doubting it.. I want you to in fact, just know how I feel. Of course, if it helps you in the end.. Ashley, you know you’re worth this and more. You’re worth more than what you think.. You deserve to be loved, and you deserve to be cared for.. The way you do for so many damn people.. Including me. And look at what you do for Krista on a daily basis, do you ever just stop and go over all the amazing actions you do for her..? How much I’m more than show that I know she appreciates them beyond words, beyond imagine.. And how no one, and I mean, NO ONE. Goes through what you do for her, and I mean it.. You wake up early just to give her a good-morning message, you stay up past a time you know will you destroy you, but you do it because you have one huge ass heart. And I simply love it.. I can’t find one thing to say that could be harmful.. Yu
