Notes

I feel like I'm only living for others , me personally I'm only existing because I'm trying to see the bigger picture but I don't know how much ill be able to able to keep pushing . Parents underestimate how their parenting can actally take a toll on you mentally and it will take decades to heal from parental trauma but I always try to say my lowest lows when bring me to higher highs its hard to stay strong when you've been broken and every chance you get trying to build your self worth and confidence and you get knocked down a thousand feet back to square one in seems that way and it quite manipulative must I say. My mother truly is the number person makes me feel worthless she makes me feel like I'm never enough and she makes me feel like I'm going mentally insane I don't have the mental compacity to keep choosing conformation because my mother always over does it but when I speak my truth in selfish and disrespectful while my mother can disrespect me , bash me , and gaslight and belittle me to her choosing its okay? I always grew up being my mothers personal emotional hitting bag when she's angry like she actually makes me cry and breakdown to her choosing which isn't very emotionally regulating I always have to walk on eggshells and protect her emotions why is that?