Notes

screaming.. crying..
i sat on the cold mattress on my floor,
wondering.
is it ever going to be okay?
running my hands threw the long black hair,
pulling on it to make the ache go away.
what do i do?
pacing now in front of the mattress that laid motionless on the ground.
i glance at the wall and glazed my hand along it.
the stinging pains in my fingers, swollen knuckles that bled red.
did i really just do that?
holding my right hand with my left
crying more.
why was life so hard?
my face covered in clumped mascara i wore to school today.
did anyone notice.. the broken smile that i put on my face to hide the pain deep inside me?
collapsing on the floor of disbelief that so much can happen in so little time
cancer, splitting of your dear ones, body issues and theres even more.
thoughts cloud my head
at this point i didnt really feel the need to make an effort.
small room filled with memories that bring up the bad ones.
youre walls become your bestfriend because its the only thing you talk to,
look at with swollen eyes,
that hurt to the touch.
the large lump in your throat that your holding down your tears with,
keeps you from showing everyone how you truly feel.
fake a smile, happy joys?
class is never the same, something gets mentioned and your stuck in endless thoughts,
which doesnt really help you pass a course you need to start your future.
do those who love you actually see that they hurt you with the words they speak of hatred and disgust.
"im just kidding" one says to you as she dreads on how you arent perfect.
when did it become so hard to live?
watching a young boy cry in pain because the tube thats inserted into him got tugged by accident.
forgetting that he even had such a scary things inside him,
eating his body away.
He cant even look at himself with out looking at a sick boy.
trying to block out the words your parents scream at each other
"I CANT STAND YOU"
"i hate your guts"
..constantly getting told everything will be okay
when really..
it gets worse..
feeling like your going to explode from everything being held in.
its cement thats filling your body making you pause and suffocate.
taking every last crease and corner,
filling it with nothing but hard, cold, cement.
It eats you apart like a maggot feasting on left over food that lays in your garbage for to long.