Notes

Communication,Compatibility, trust, jealousy are major and contributing factors to this breakup.This truly is an unhealthy relationship. I really truly care for Bernadette but unfortunately it did not work out. I am truly saddened by us parting ways and I still would like to be there for her if she would like . But Bernadette has stated in the past that would not be the case and if we ever broke up that would be it. Which does upset me because I know she is a good person and she always means well. This is not only her fault it takes 2 to make it work. Bernadette feels and has stated in the past that she does not feel she should should have to try to make the relationship ship work. I feel and so do other many people feel that you have to work at a relationship everyday to make it work. We are both set in our ways and we both refuse to change our ways in certain areas. She has tried to change a lot of things about me and I have tried to change her but as I have learned it so hard to expect someone to change there ways after 40 to 50 years because that's what makes them the person whom they are. Bernadette has stated so many times that she was not happy with our relationship and she also stated to other people about how miserable she was in this relationship. Bernadette has constantly broken up with me over years if I had to guess I would say at least 40 - 50 but at least 20 to 30 times over the. Past 2 years. She usually does it by text from the bedroom while I'm sitting 15 feet away in the living room. I expressed to her countless times how upset that makes me feel that she would break up with me in that way. It got to the point I didn't want to look at her texts message because they were always so negative in nature. If she wasn't breaking up with me she was always expressing her bad feelings about someone else , it could be from her friends at work or family but it was negative , if I had to guess the. Negative text messages I have received from her I would have to guess about 50 to 60 % of the time. But each time she had an issue with me or someone else I would always resolve it for her so she felt better. But over the years it has taken its toll on me to where I get this pit in my stomach it's like okay here we go again , what is the problem Bernadette is having now. Every time she broke up with me it would hurt me and suck the life out of me more and more every time she did it. I always tried to make everything perfect for her and make her life easier I really really tried to make her happy and listen to her and try to understand what was bothering her and then I would talk to her and help her and make her feel happy again, but it was always short lived , because either the next day the next week or the next month there was always something and always another reason or the same reason why she wants to leave me. This past week has been so gut wrenching for me it was supposed to be a happy time in my life a milestone birthday celebrating with good friends and family but it turned out to be a bad night a night which you can't say I'm sorry and have people say it's okay. It started off good by Sharon picking us up and bringing me to the restaurant to have a celebratory dinner for my 50th. I did not expect my close friends Dave and Andrea there as that was a surprise for me which I was so happy because I really don't see her that much anymore because it makes Bernadette unhappy and then makes my home life harder and makes me walk on eggshells around her. So pretty much I don't even go out anymore. Which I don't like because I like going out and enjoying myself and I should not have worry that Bernadette is upset or unhappy . I'm just going out and having a good time without her which I think is the main reason , because I think she would rather have me stay at home with her. I have invited her out countless times, to countless events, as so my family has as well. to mets games going to a bar or and a family event or just going out and doing something but mostly she stays home . I understand she has fibromyalgia but sometimes I could tell she is okay to go but just does not feel like it so I just let her stay home where she seems happy. Bernadette will sometimes blame me , asking me why I don't take her out , and I'm like what I always try to include you you just don't go anywhere , so it has gotten to the point where I know she is going to so no but I still ask her anyway. So anyway back to my 50th birthday . Bernadette come in to the room I see my friends I am so happy I hug and kiss Andrea and shake daves hand and thank them for coming to my birthday celebration. Bernadette sits 2 seats down from me and I'm like come sit next to me me after she hesitates for a few second she comes sits down next to me I'm like this is great my closest friends and my closest family are here for me lets have a great time.... But wait Bernadette stands up and leaves the room she looks upset I'm not sure why. After a few minutes I have a feeling she left and did not say anything so I tell Sharon please check the bathroom , Bernadette is nowhere to be found. I'm like oh great now she is walking around its cold and I don't want her to get hurt I was about to get up when bobby got up and said he would look for her, Kenny at the same time makes it to the restaurant and they drive around for like 20 to 30 minutes and can't find her. They come back and we have dinner , I can't leave because these people are there for me so I have to stay and I did. I figured she probably called for a taxi and would make it home and she did. But on my way home bobby checks the house and her car is gone. I'm like ok she is upset about something and she will call or text me . She didn't do either I did not know where she is I'm sick to my stomach I'm hoping she is okay, she is an adult she will be okay I see she has her medication and that she transferred $1000 which is fine because it's her money too. maybe she will go to a motel. I didn't hear from her until like 20 hours later or so telling me she is ok. I still don't know what she is so upset about that almost ruined my 50th birthday. But later early morning about 8 to 10 hours she texts me her reasons why. To me they are selfish and unwarranted and really make no sense just basically that's I gave Andrea a kiss hello and I didn't give her a kiss , I'm like what is that. It my birthday your suppose to come up to me and kiss me for my birthday, not the other way around. So pretty much she my left my birthday because of jealousy and almost ruined everyone's time who came to share this special day with me. Which to me is selfish because she could of just went to the bathroom and composed herself and then discuss all this that night or the next day after my birthday. If this was the only time or if she did something close to this she would get a pass ... Meaning you just had a bad night tonight so let's forget it , but this is not the first time she has not shown up to a major family event the other times she just does not go this time she went then left after she got there. I know she means well and has a big heart that's the main reasons I stay with her. We have had some fun times together but it seem like the bad times outweigh the good times by a large margin. I will always care for Bernadette wether she talks to me going forward or not . I will always be there if she ever needs me. This day is very sad for me she thinks this is what I wanted but it's not I wanted it to work out I really did I did everything I could to make it work but in the end unfortunately it's not enough .