Notes

everyday im fighting thoughts in my head. i feel so alone because im stuck in my head all day. i feel like im getting worse and worse day by day. im battleing depression and i feel like its beating me. my feelings are constantly hurt. i feel like i cant win. i always get hurt by the ones i love most. i wanna be happy again, i want my mental back, i wanna be my own happiness. ik i have such toxic traits but i wasnt always like this. my past shaped me into who i am so much. ive endured so much. my father dgaf about me. my mom is so toxic and she doesn't see it. all i can depend on is me and ive felt this way for years. im only 17 why is life so hard. sometimes i dont wanna be here bc i dont wanna feel this pain anymore. im so tired of acting okay. im not okay. im angry. im hurt. my heart isn't okay. my mental isnt okay. i wanna fight. i wanna scream. i want someone to FEEL me. i cant even put all my feelings into words. im so broken and idk if i can put me back together. everytime i try i get beaten back down. am i meant to win? is this how things are supposed to be for me? i try so hard to stay motivated for me, do good for me, be happy for me. the person i am isn't me. this is not how i wanna be. idk where to start.