Notes

This is actually really fucked up, I understand that Natalee and I aren't together anymore but they didn't have to lie. Its only been about a week so how the fuck did they get over me so quickly. How did Grace even look me in my eyes at the football game without felling even a little bit of guilt? I should have seen this coming, the way Natalee and Grace acted with eachother...im so fucking stupid for not seeing the clear signs. Its honestly my fault. I'm not sure how tf they lost feelings so quickly and that makes me think that they never even liked me at all. Do I deserve all this? I can relate to sad songs a lot more that's for sure. Its hard to even breath right now, I don't understand how I fell so hard for her. Am I this in love? Maybe I should thank my parents for forcing the break up or I would have fell even deeper into this hell hole. I have so many different emotions right now and I don't now how to feel or what to do. Do I wanna die? Do I want them back? Do I just want to forget all about them? Everything in this fucking world is so confusing idk if its just me but this world is a hell hole. I need to stop crying over them and just let them go. I feel bad telling people about thus because I'm just making them worry about me and my problems and that's the last thing I want to do. I want to SH but that hardly even helps me get my mind off of the mental pain anymore, but maybe that's what I deserve? Is that what I need to do right now? I need to stop and think. Are they worth crying over? Is it worth doing all this? I dont think so, this is honestly a complete waste of time but sadly I cant control my emotions. This is off topic but I have a bit of a lying problem. For example, there is this boy named Aaron. He is 16 and lives in Canada, he seemed like a cool guy so I lied about my age about a year ago and told him I was 15. Him and I started to date and I hurt him badly.... I still talk to him and he still likes me and I feel so bad but I cant let him go because he is a big part of my life. I honestly sort of like him but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now.. He thinks I have just turned 16 but I just turned 13 :// I feel like if I tell him the truth about my age then he will immediately block me or hate me. He deserves to know the truth though. Tbh I'm just a fucked up piece of shit person so the answer to my previous question "Do I deserve all of this?" is yes, yes you do.