Notes

Here we go again. I made Adam upset. I hate myself for it. If only he could understand how much I love him and think about him.. He made my life better, brighter, happier, meaningful, way more fun. While he's with me I feel safe and I never want to let go. He's an amazing person, he's really sweet, kind... He's just perfect. It doesn't matter what he did to me or how he hurt me. What I mean by '' he hurt me '', he's that kind of person who would confront me in any way and say anything that he thinks I did wrong. Sometimes he sounds rude, sometimes it makes my heart break into pieces. But as the time flies by I understand him and I try to learn from my mistakes. Sometimes I start overthinking about stuff and I imagine him completely hating and forgetting me. It hurts so much, but I'm still here living life, crying, becoming suicidal and stuff. In school people think I have a perfect life because I laugh a lot and I'm nice to everyone. And whenever I make mistakes, I just confirm it laughing it off as it would be nothing.
Yeah, it is hard not easy. But as people say '' you're a strong woman '', yes I know I am. But sometimes I just want to get a gun to my head and pull the trigger. I do vent, but mostly I keep it to myself because I don't wanna seem as the '' depressed '' person. My life is hard, I vented to my teacher that is like a mother to me (in musical school). She didn't think that this is possible from my family. Even though she once got a call from my mother and she thought that she's one of those rude, mean, strict people. So she never tells my mom anything <3..
Life is hard yes, but I manage to move on and just be like '' ouch. it did hurt, but as we all know.. people come and go ''. Then I just try to find positivity in anything. Even if it makes me make up things and be like '' it's okay, it happens. everything will get better soon ''.