Notes

You're a midget with the face and intelligence of a malnourished caveman

Your hair looks like the underside of an out-of-work clown's scrotum

I tried to dress up as you but the store was all out of "miscarried fetus' funeral" masks

You have the face of someone who thinks they don't have an accent

You dress like someone who wants to blame something other than their personality for why they're alone

Clean-shaven and with glasses you remind me of a five-year old whose parents are disappointed each day they return from daycare alive. With a beard and long hair you look like you've realized people have no reason to talk to you. You will never outrun how invisible you are.

Your frailty is such that I'm surprised my dust allergy doesn't act up when I'm around you

Your mouth reminds me of dry corn bread

If you were from the South your nickname would have been squeak

You would have a very punchable face if I didn't mind having to wipe all the oil off my fist

You look like a Starbucks barista that people are surprised to learn hasn't been fired for sexual harassment

If you were from the midwest your nickname would have been crumb

You have the groin of a Ken doll and a personality just as plastic

You look worse than you smell and you smell like you think you look good

You are an unseasoned boiled egg