Notes

Hello, Marsha. Nice to meet you
Hi Zachary. It is so nice to meet you alsoI want to take the time to just remind you that this is your space to be heard and validated. There is no judgement. I take on a strengths perspective and that is to basically align you with your purpose
Thank you, I've been needing some alignment in my life because I just feel like it's downspiraling faster than I can control it.
Well it is very good that you seek assistance now at your age. Imagine being in control of you and having al the confidence from now... you will be a force to e reckoned withHave you ever had any type of therapy before?
I had a therapist that came to our house regularly & she was a good fit but I think something personal may be going on with her cause she hasn't responded to any of my texts or calls.
Which is why when I saw Cactus Jack was helping people pay for therapy, I decided to sign up since I desperately needed it.
Ok, I see. You mentioned in your original description of your problem that you were experiencing anxiety and depression. When did this first become a issue for u
It started when we moved from our childhood home. My mother was in such a rush to sell the house & didn't want to wait for it to be sold so now we just live here
I want to go back so badly because I hate it here in my new home
What three words would you use to describe your childhood
Upsetting, Argumentative & Disappointing
Tell me about why it was disappointing
When I was 14, my mother forced me into an Aerospace Science program and I told her no multiple times & that it wasn't what I wanted to do.
In my freshman & sophomore year, my main teacher was horrible. It's like he was on some substance 24/7. acting erratic & not fit for teaching high schoolers.
In my junior year, 2 teachers quit in the middle of the school year and we were basically interrupted until we got a substitute that did nothing but make sure we didn't leave the classroom
Senior year went normal as we got the last teacher that didn't quit on us & we all graduated from the program. My mother asks me why I haven't been able to do anything and it's because the program I was in sucked.
Also, I'm an overweight person. My sconfidence and motivation was never high considering if I had to go out, I felt embarassed because clothes wouldn't fit & I always looked horrible compared to my family.
My father was also abusive & didn't give us the love and caring that we needed. In July of 2020, he domestically abused my sister to the point of where we had to call the police and have him arrested.
In March of 2020, before the pandemic, I was doing fine. Not well but fine. As the pandemic went on and on, my mental health tanked and I just felt horrible & horrible about myself.
Fast forward to November 2021, my grades in college are slipping, my new job is horrible, my weight is spiraling + no clothes fit and I haven't had any motivation to exercise & I just feel really unhappy 24/7.
I totally understand. That is quite a lot to deal with. You mentioned argumentative as one of the words to describe your childhood. Can you tell me a little more
Every day, my mother and father wanted to argue & argue over every little thing. If it wasn't about my grades & comparing me constantly to other children, it was talking about why I didn't do the dishes, everytime it was just stupid stuff to argue over
and I just hated being around my father 24/7 & him always wanting to be right and argue over something just because he wanted to be right. Honestly, I feel like my father is the root of all my problems.
What are some of the things you needed as a child from your father he did not give you. And that can be emotional needs etc
He didn't give me tips on how to fix cars. I have a car that my mother bought off OfferUp that's rusty & it's very close to breaking down. If my father was here and he cared, he could've teached me how to maintain a car & use it as a way to bond with me.
He never gave me freedom or more chances to have fun. Any time I asked him to drive me somewhere with my friends or ask if they could come over, he'd make a banal joke about it & basically ignore me.
He didn't give me sincere apologies.
In my opinion, this is one of the BIGGEST THINGS I'VE EVER WANTED FROM MY FATHER.
There's not one time in my life that I remember where my father has said the word "sorry" or "I apologize" & actually meant it. I've always had to force him to say it or try to coax it out of him. But I always had to be the sorry one, not him.
And one other thing is support. Even when I needed him, it's like he'd disappear. For example, in my freshman year, there was a talent show at my school. Since it was a special school, it was about 30 minutes away.
He had the nerve to tell me that it was a waste of gas and he couldn't be bothered to do it. I loved singing & he knew that but for some reason, he hated me wanting to sing or just show off my talent.
I had to force him to take me & beg him to stay in the auditorium to watch me instead of going back home and driving back for me when I was done..
Also, he was just weird & always thought he was right and didn't care if he made others uncomfortable. In 11th grade, he picked me up in the car line. Whenever he was waiting for me, he used to try to talk to the girls waiting for their parents.
They made conversation like normal but the next day, they confronted me & told me how uncomfortable my father made them feel. When I told him this, he did nothing but brush me off & joke about how they didn't mean it and they were just messing around.
I see that there is a lot to process and unpack there. I do understand where your frustration and sadness is coming from. We will definitely work on healing some of those unhealed wounds coming from the past. How would your best friends describe you now.
I don't have any best friends as of now. Not many friends at all.
Ok... how do you think others see you?
Overweight and sloppy. Doesn't take enough time in the morning to properly groom himself.
I see that your inner critic is very brutal and appears to be coming from different messages you have received about yourself. How would you describe the relationship you have with your mom in the past and currently
Doesn't listen to anyone but herself and it shows. It's been like that throughout my life.
It's why me & my sister were stuck with my dad abusing us all our childhood because she didn't care or just tuned us out when we tried to tell her.
It's gotten to the point where I'd rather choke on a tumbleweed than have a conversation with her
Who do you has your back and your best intention at heart
Probably the elders in my Kingdom Hall. I am a Jehovah's Witness as well if that is of any importance.
OK...is your faith something is of great importance to you
not really, as of now, I haven't been going to any meetings
So, there is so much going on here that I do understand your struggles. I want to thank you for sharing I know it is not easy going back and digging up memories you might have been trying hard not to think about. I do want you to know that there is hope. I will start with introducing you with some mindfulness techniques to help you to be present and in the moment to catch when your inner critic tries to take lead. We will also do some inner child work to help you to heal the vulnerable child that is triggered when you become overwhelmed.One of the first exercise I want you to try is the toothbrushing exercise. I just want you to focus on the action of brushing your teeth and not what is going on in your mind
Thank you. It wasn't easy to dig up everything to properly answer your questions.
We will slowly start to change the shape of your mind from over thinking to a more positive and strengths oriented thinking.
I'm optimistic to hopefully feel and see that transformation.
That is a good place to start. Do you want to be scheduled for the same time next week?
Actually, can we schedule for Wednesdays?
I am not sure if that time is available.CI know that next week is a short week because of thanksgiving. Do you want to check if anything is available on Mon or Tues?
Tuesday 7:00?
Actually, I see that someone is scheduled for that time. Is 8pm good
yes that's good, can we make that our regular time?
We can do that for the next few weeks.I will go ahead and schedule after this session. It was great speaking with you. You did great. Remember to ty the toothbrush exercise. I will also be sending you info on what I think you might find interesting
What is the toothbrush exercise?
One of the first exercise I want you to try is the toothbrushing exercise. I just want you to focus on the action of brushing your teeth and not what is going on in your mindi just copied that from above
thank you
i do have to go now. I will schedule you for next week. I have a 8pm session
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