Notes

11/5 afternoon approaching evening. Goal it the fuck up. Work for 1 hour, only, 20 minute/ 10 minute session, going thorugh part by part. Don;t worry about goals yet, that's pretty solid. What do we need to worry about? All of the work we want to mention. We know we want: Tere, Accessories, Another Room, Miguel's piece, the conference in Stokholm, the research with Nicole, teaching practices, advocating for the dancer as a creative and deeply intelligent figure/role, even the support of another audience residency. I don't think this is a list, this is a walk-through, a little journey through Hilary's work, artistic sensibilities and concerns, leading towards present projects and future goals.
We have work of the body, work of pushing against limits of vulnerability and expression. We have interest in building, makign from the middle, from our poetic bodies. Being in conversation with those techniques and systems that have shaped us in order to gain physical agency over them. Etc, interst in improvisation.
So work spans different roles that are all important. Choreographic, performance, somatic, and teaching. I worked with Tere, and how he pushed me and alloed me to go farther than I ever did. I worked with luciana. I started improvising with Larissa, Fresh Tracks residency at NYLA. Along all of this this sort of throughline emerged in my work of memory physical, living in our deep tissues, and an interest in working through memrory as a way of changing our physicality and explore the tenderness around trauma. I had dancers reframe memories and stop trauama from happening...

as a teacher bla bla bla...

advocacy...

What I'm coming towards is that we need to time ourselves an work within just one of these phases, containers. I know they bleed and they must, but I really need to parse through and get into the specifics and develope appropriate language around each one... maybe let's start, when we get back from accessories of protection, dumping what was mentioned and seeing if we can edit and play with it... weave some in and off shoots... followed my Miguel, followed by Another Room... yeah? And as we write, I'm putting in brackets [like this] when I'm trying to get at something that I don't yet have the language for, or when I'm simply not yet sure. Okay?
— Oh how wonderful. We transpired! Haha I mean we wrote out Accessories of Protection, Miguel's work, Another Room... what else do we need to do? We need to add
Duet for/with/including Jen, and flesh out research aspects, that conference in Stokholm which we can weave together with advocacy around dancer and maker, as well as other Nicole workings. We need to also mention teaching at Bennington! Revisit

11/8
9:53 AM, preparation for Hilary. I want to do a 20 min. work through the Benn. pres. intro she has, see if I can develop and absorb some of that language. Afterward, I need to look over teaching materials she sent me (20 min.) and write out questions. Then, review notes from last time and make plan for the day. Great.
Progress: So, I've unpacked and edited the presentation intro a little, and began considering all the different intros, which are mainly from the folloiwng sections:
>Presentation
>Boulder Statement
>Creativity statement
>Excerpts of interview
I have tried really hard to try to draft some possible combinations, and have come up against the difficulty, of what? It's just been a hard thing... making choices of tone, of content, of direction. Which is what I think Hilary could be really helpful with, if we go document by document, open all four in our computers, and then read one together, have her specify what she means... like picking combinations of clothes, like what do you think we should forefront? I really like the intro of 20+ years into body as bla bla bla, and then weaving in some deep stuff about tissues is important, and the pushing against and stretching and some of that you know statements on the work, on the advocacy, on the teaching, on performing and choreographing. I think we can spend maybe an hour on that or is that maybe too much? Afterwards, I want to move on to improvisation, or right into Tere, bam, then Miguel, bam, then next piece, bam, then teaching, bam, and bam and bam... since I've presented a rough outline, you know? Okay... so then it makes sense for me to make final edits to this intro stuff and move on to teaching in the next 20 min.
On teaching: lovely writing, definitely everything I remember Hilary's class to be. Not sure what can be used though, maybe a few sentences on teaching practice and philosophy in general?
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11/8, 6:51 PM
Had long session with Hilary earlier today in which we talked through the entire thing... was overwhelming at first because I was pretty lost, but there were some really nice clarification points and paragraphs whos seeds were planted. So, I do have a little bit of time now, say for a 15 min and a 20 min session. In it I want to re-paste everything in a new order, read over new material Hilary sent me, and craft one paragraph. Perhaps too ambitious but I will try. So first, let's read over the new materials, yea? How about 10 min. GO. [reading over repsonsively]
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11/9, 10:07 AM
Long day yesterday. Let's prepare: water, blanket, tea, snack (fruit).
Today I'm going through the draft and speedily writing out Hilary's dreams: she told me, this needs to be like this, I'd like this to go here and be like that... and I'm hoping that that has provided a solid enough path for me to just draw out. That's my main goal, in terms of work for Hilary. I also need to get to the barber, though not sure when I can. Trim my sides and my beard. I'll shave my beard underneath first... and I need to get the song really really down. Have fun be so fucking dramatic as hell. And take care of my body. Yeah. Here we go, 20 20 20!
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Free write: My work really starts as a dancer. i take this role vry seriously, and advocate for the dancer as intelligent, and enough. In working with choreogrpahers, I give so much, I excavate and push to the extremes... withe Tere O'Connor, for example, I went really really far. Same with Miguel. I went really far. And luciana. And the way that I amke work within the work of others, is how I make my own work as well. Both in my solo performances and in choreogrpahed works, I invite myself and others to excavate their inner poetic bodies, and fascia is a big part of this for me. You see, as a somatic practitioner from necessity, there was a real frustration in me that I had to be doing that kind of work, creating safe spaces for welath people and help heal there bodies when my own was going through shit. Fascia was really the literal connective tissue that connected these worlds for me, and began to feed and support my dance work. it became that excavateble medium, the malluable belief system of the body, the holder of trauma, and I began asking how we can approach it as a teacher, and change it...
Now I'm not sur where all this could even go because I'm trying to get to making from the middle, I'm trying to get to Accessories and duet for including with jen... I'm trying and failing. How can I repsond to my own failure? By writing this out. This free write is the responsive dance.
SO wat else is missing?

We start with, I am a bigger body and this is why I'm telling you, to really forefront that that experience shaped me not in a negative way, but ot of necessity gave me these tools and deepend my inquiry into dance up to now. I am interested in dance, I dance, and as a dancer here's what it means, it means that I do so much internal work, that I really take ownership of my work inside of the role of a dancer. And I extend that into my choreogrphy and other forms of dance making. Nd fasica is important to that because it connects all, and it is that substance which I unearth and explore and that supports me in everything. Okay, let's revist the way Hilary wants to weave in specific examples.
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Reflection on all of the things no one tels you about being a mother...