Notes

To be completley honest I dont know how to go into depth about this stuff, ive never had a deep conversation with someone because idk its too hard for me you know, I mean if I had grown up in a loving family maybe I could just easily express and tell you everything you mean to me but due to the way I grew up I just cant, I find it hard to talk about this stuff, I had to keep everything to myself, emotions where nothing more than a weakness, the more I had the more I suffered by everything around me, I can still hear the pain and agony of my brothers, of my mother, and well not really my father you know, he has never been one to express his emotions, and its not like he was really there throughout my childhood, he was usually out smoking, drinking, doing drugs, going to jail, my mother was the one that was there the most, I mean not more than my grandma but she was present and their was those times that we where happy but it wasnt often because idk I guess she needed someone to take out her anger on so she would hit us you know, shed leave bruises on our skin and sometimes she would cut us on accident when she was hitting us, so then social services came to my school for 4 years straight taking pictures of everything, and actually fun fact, the first time I ever told a big/serious lie was to the social services lady when she asked me if I had ever been touched in certain places and I said no even though I had by my cousin multiple times which cant totally be blamed on him you know, so yeah im sorry I just really cant express myself in the way you want me to, I mean I cant even comfort my mother when she feels sad, and I hate myself for that, I mean I try but I just dont want to get into a serious conversation with her or anyone for that matter because I dont want to share what im feeling with others lol, sooooo yeah im really really sorry for not being able to give a good answer but you really do mean a lot to me