Notes

I'm going off-grid for an entire month(30 days).
I'll delete all messenging apps, social media(tiktok, ig, twitter), and hide my playstation. I'll put a filter on my computer so i can't access tg, fb, or whatseover sites..
I already texted/call my friends what i'm gonna do, and if they need me to call me. I'll go cold-turkey, dopamine detox, full hardcore productive mode.


Heart-to-heart moment
1 & 2 weeks, i was the worse, depressed, emotionally unstable, basically a crackhead on withdrawal
3rd week, is where i finally understood the concept of patience, and how time fixes the negative aspect.
For an entire month, i've been trying relentlessly, to go out, to make plans, to reach out to friends i've neglected while i was in a relationship. Lately though, i've noticed i've been playing a lot, trying to talk to randoms in lfg, trying to call my friends more, i even did 2 livestreams for 1 hours where i got 300 & 400 viewers. No matter what i was tryna do, i was distracting myself from my emotions, or share it with someone to try to minimize it. I've even try no let it all out like you recommended and not drown it it and it worked for a while...but no matter what there's always an emptiness inside of me.
For a week now, i have enjoyed my own company more than anything else, but the moment i do something 'not fun' is where that lonely place in your heart starts to manifest.
I don't know what the terms of 'moving on' implies, but i still love you as much as on day 1 😕. I'm sorry but it's how i feel. Ofc not anymore in an obsessive- compulsive  desperate way, holyfuck i was trying too hard with u before 🤦🏻 i'm not like omgosh letme go on a message/pic streak to make myself cry. I actually ddnt read our old message or looked at your pics once 😅 can't 👀. But now i'm able to detach myself completely from my emotions to get shit done. It's like compartmentalizing and not mixing personal and professional life. However no matter what, i still have this profound ongoing deep strong love for you, as a presence, or an aura. It's not like those emotional spike of sadness where you miss a person no no not at all...
i haven't had the opportunity  to face that emptiness head-on on my own, deal with the pain that probably resides in it too. Before it went that far, i will be already doing something else to fill that void.
That will actually be the hardest thing i'll do in my entire life but i have to man up and deal with it alone. I've already got tons of support and too much detailed advice from everyone and i'm grateful for it, so now i'm ready face that emptiness alone..

ngl i'm scared, i'm scared how i will turn out tbh, esp with my ability to adapt so fast. I'm scared i'll turn into a different person, with no one else other than me in that psychological cell, where you either self-destruct or force yourself to grow to escape.
Well one thing for sure, i'll scale up to 70kg, by hitting the gym everyday, i'll finish my portfolio altho i got several job offers thats still on the table, imma lose my mind to try new stuff. Last time i went 2 weeks without internet, i build an antenna hooked to a usb dongle 😅..for sure i'll go a bit loco

My tiktok recently has turned into post-breakup advice, no-contact rule tutorials, and being happy on your own, kinda-niche 😅. For sure a lot of those vids, helped me understand the situation and myself more.
I also, came across the whole 'true love', 'waiting' ones, and i know this is rather an ambiguous word to throw, but i hope you are waiting for me as well baby. 😕 i can't be the only one who randomly get these sudden intense thoughts of you out of nowhere( well accrding to tiktokschool, it means the other person is thinking of you as well)😅sry sry imma shush
I hope this stupid incident hasn't break your trust. I will really be doing this, no cheating, i need to do this first and foremost for myself, and i know you will find yourself too one day, and i do want another relationship with you.
Again, don't read into this as desperation from my part haha. No no, if you beg me to come back right now, i'll still say no. I need to find myself first, and that one-month will help me tremendously trust me

Remember, you are still mine and i'm yours, even in a month, even in how much time, no matter what direction our life takes, it's starting to make sense to me that you are actually my true love 😶, because of how uniquely i feel and understand things without it compromising my life. I would have never had patience for no one. Again, don't think i'm putting my life on hold, on the contrary! If you agree and it's the same for you, like this tweet haha😄

If you need me, my only means of comminication will be email
Life's really short, wtv you feel, you can write to me on telegram, about anything really, i won't be able to read anyway..only when i come back

ironically, 1 month from now(25 Dec) is xmas 🤗 so merry xmas in advance 🎁🎄

Good luck for your exams, you got this. Remember who the f* you are 😤 and drink water pls. When you are oversaturating your little brain, remember to take small breaks 😩, it's counter-productive but you'll assimilate much more like this. Believe in yourself, think of all the W's you have collected so far. You are so smart but you always doubt yourself and get into this end-of-the-world state. Don't tell yourself negative stuff or you'll end up believing it...oh gosh why am i stressed now lol

I love you babyboo, always 🤍
You are worth it