Notes

procrastination
-don't have to deal with emotion of doing homework
--> there's a general anxiety for me about doing my homework, i think? i also kinda feel like wow, this is going to be hard or something
--> hint of identity problem? I should be able to do it but I can't? I don't feel ready,
--> subcon. pressure of grades possibly? like i'm concerned about homework?
--> games and other stuff lets me do something that a) i do for progress and fun b) that i don't have negative feeling attached to and can forget about stuff apart from game
-doesn't feel attached to me personally
--> i can like stuff like songs (pleasurable/relaxing/calming/forgetting abt stuff except song) as well as games, entertainment videos (~same as songs), and videos about how mental stuff works (interesting + important to me) because I feel some good sense with all of them
^ --> Even for the stuff above, I can sometimes not even do that and not feel like doing anything except lying in bed or not doing anything. Might be related to poor conditions (lack of sufficient sleep, not being used to focusing leads to more not focusing, some feeling attached to action i can't describe now?)

possible ideas of changes (idk if these will help me, nor if i'll do them)
-thinking of school as some place to learn stuff
-having time to just relax and think about nothing (might help being able to be focused on stuff)
-not worrying as much about school and stuff? yes i know it's crucial and whatever, but what would happen if i take some time to do stuff? would i be behind? well, it's not really about being behind but rather learning stuff. i can just take my time, since life isn't a game of chess where being behind matters, but kinda like a city builder where it's like you can always do stuff

idk anymore