Notes

This is your captian speaking. Before proceeding, please solemnly swear that you shall use my voice to read what is written hereafter. Tonight we have a new passenger with us who had requested us "to be driven into darkness”. Due to certain rules and regulations we are unable to grant the wish. Our policy requires a certain level of intimacy, which comes directly via interest shown by the consumer, whereas the consumer has chosen to be largely anonymous except for revealing a few basic details which we deem insufficient. We are still obligated by the request and have decided to take the concerned person on a short guided tour. Due to limitations in time and certain physical bindings, we wont be able to see much. We shall be circling around our area of interest at the speed of thought, spending more time would be detrimental to us. Those who wish to get a glimpse should look towards the right. We might hit a patch or two because of bad weather. It is high tide tonight. Kindly sit back and let me reiterate why flying with us was not such a good idea in the first place. You should not fly in general, flying is not for humans. Its for birds and flies. Yes, thats right. They are called flies because they fly and because God is bad with grammar, like he is with most other things. Why is he a God and why is God a He? You shall ask. It baffles me, but you can entertain the possibility of a logical fallacy propogated by a patriarchal culture, a group of inbreeding beings bathing in their own toxins? Might ring a bell if you are a classicaly conditioned student of science, those tiny pests too small to be seen with the naked eye. Naked, ah that word so makes me want to go back to my computer secretly. Because thats where you find naked people, not on the streets anymore. Unless of course you are in India. Im not talking about the present day impoverished bunch, but the ones of the previous millenia considering you were one of those lucky bunch who were not squished mercilessly by some tyrant. Who wouldnt want to be there?...where men and women had their sexual fantasies taken care of, so that they could get back to more important things in life, like carving out a loud 'been there done that' on a rock and poking fun at their offsprings in distant future for not being able to do so anymore. Do women even have sexual fantasies anymore? Bless me for my ignorance, but since when were they allowed to have them? I'm sorry, I wont know. I'm just a pilot though I told you a while back I was your captain, and I'm a lady. Wasnt it you who assumed I was a man? A ship would be too big for a lady to handle, maybe not a plane since it is an accepted fact in popular culture. Here take this diamond ring which is worth all its worthless weight in your feminist arguments. Well if you are not sure, let me be a man then. Make me look like one of those intense classy looking fucks. Hand me a cigar while you are at it. Let me send a clear signal to my potential mates and other men who might intervene in my proceedings by puffing away my insecurities. Thanks to a psychoanalyst who pointed it out, we all know now what a cigar looks like, the male reproductive organ lovingly referred to as the penis the world over. Why did they choose such a tiny and feminine name for the most masculine thing. Maybe because women could be better friends with it, like their other accessories. Friends, like sexual thoughts tend to occupy a large share of your life, whether you like it or not. Much like accessories for your ego, like you are for theirs. Something I would like to mention about flying yellow octopuses in passing, they are not real. Unless you are on hallucinogens, for a brief period of time they might appear to be real. We applaud your courage for venturing out, but you are a fucking moron if thats all you see and an even bigger one if thats all you want to see. You are a disgrace to the genius of genes that have made it so far through millions of years of evolution, though you are still capable of producing an offspring who is exactly like you in all mannerisms and dogmas. Thats the reason we dont allow people with altered perception of reality on board barring a few. They are a terrible bunch of people to fly with and flying in general is a terrible idea, if you are a human. We apologize for the bumpy ride and we like to confuse our customers with unnecessary euphemisms. Please express your wishes to the ground staff. Hope to see you again.