Notes

My mother doesn't understand. She thinks I just want to let him take advantage of me, but I'm not like that and I don't want to be like that. I wouldn't dare let him use me for that. I would feel too ashamed to even let that happen. My mother doesn't believe me though. I wish she did, I tell her everything. I feel like I could tell her everything, sometimes I just feel like she doesn't want to listen. He makes me feel happy and loved. I guess my mom is just trying to save me from heartbreak or being taken advantage of. I won't let myself be taken advantage of, but I probably will go through heartbreak. I have trust issues. I don't trust him, but I love him. I never felt love before, I don't know what that feels like, but I have a strong feeling that he has shown me. I know I am too young for this, but I don't believe the way you feel should have an age on it. I believe in freedom. My family has a very close mindset, but minds is very open. I know sometimes I can be a follower, that is why I am in trouble in the first place, but that shouldn't indicate my whole life. They have no right to judge me like this, only God can. They are a bunch of hypocrites. I have heard of mistakes from both of my parents. They know what childhood is like, so I don't understand why they judge and discipline us instead of teaching us. I have always had a long history of doing the right thing, so I do not understand why love has me trapped in the house without entertainment. Sometimes all I can think about is him. I know my parents have felt like that before, so I don't understand why they can't give me a chance. I am willing to tell my parents everything, my sister is not, and they judge me out of her actions. Sometimes they expect me to follow her and sometimes I do, but not all the things I do is based off of her. My parents have always trusted me, but now that she has done bad things and brought me in it. I am in trouble. I try to have my own mind sometimes, but I can't. All my life I have been bullied and some of the things that people used to do and say about me I haven't even told my parents yet. I am tired of being judged, I just want to feel love and trusted by my parents. Maybe that is why sometimes I go look for love and trust in other people. I have never kissed anyone yet along do other bad sexual things. I just wish my parents understood. Sometimes I just say and do certain things to feel accepted and liked, but truth be told I'm innocent.