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It's only going to get worst :(
1. I think I have a binge eating disorder and making myself throw up eating disorder, but I don't think so. Being guilty whenever I eat and making myself throw it up so I can feel empty. Starving myself but then falling into temptation and feeling guilty. I might do this, but it doesn't necessarily mean and eating disorder right? I hope not... :/
2. Before I came to America, I watched my mom get abused for years by my dad. I stayed in Nigeria till I was 6 and the abuse happened way before I was born, so idk how to feel, about this.
3. The only thing keeping me sane is just the possibility of growing older and enjoying life. Also, the fact that I want to read as much books as possible.
4. I just turned 14 but I feel... :| meh idk how to feel to be honest. My best friend who dresses girly because she is okay with her body being in the bigger side likes girls, but I don't. It doesn't matter that I don't like girls what matters is the fact my mom thinks I'm gay because I wear baggy clothes. They're the only thing I feel comfortable in. If I was skinny, I would also wear baggy clothes, but I would probably wear dresses and skirts to but now I don't because I hate my body. How do I appear small and fat at the same time? (Body dysphormia). Any way my mom tells me I'm not the fastest person in the world and I should appreciate my body the body God gave me, or I should kill myself. I'm contemplating on the latter. Then some days when she's mad at me she calls me fat, tell me I look like soggy bread, then asks why I'm socially awkward or why I don't smile. I don't know. Maybe it's because people might think of me the same way she does.
5. My mom just now compared me to the special needs people she takes care of at her job and told me to be grateful for my body then proceeded to slap me. TWICE! Ahh the love is real. She also said the birthday party I'm getting thrown tomorrow she's not going to come.... OKAY?
I'm ranting!!! I want to cry but I cry enough internally. My friends think I'm hyper, but it was so hard for me to even make 1 friend with social anxiety and when I'm at home I'm so quiet and all I do is read wattpad. My older sister who i felt normal to be around called me weird and awkward because I couldn't smile right for a birthday picture. Why should I smile? Nothing makes me want to smile or makes me happy.
!!INEEDHELP?
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